Five Finger Death Punch: Shame Pain

Cold

Ivan's POV

As Chris was driving, I noticed that we didn't take the route to his house.
We were headed the way we use to go to the recording studio.

"Where we going ?" I asked leaning against the door.
"Ivan, you need to let it out.
Remember what we did three years ago ?" Jason asked

"Noo, no, the last f*cking thing I want to do is go f*cking sing. No" I said angrily.

"Buddy, the music helps you. You won't except therapy so the music's the only way for you say what you feel. Just let it out Ivan."
Chris says as we pulled up to the studio.

"One song, one song okay ?
I just don't want you trying to do something stupid again. " Chris looked at me through the mirror before everyone got out.

We all walked into the studio and went to our recording room.
I angrily grabbed my headphones while Chris got his guitar along with Jason, while Charlie went to the drums.

Zoltan went to the piano for some reason and started to play the keys.
He started the keys on one of our songs that I hadn't finished in years, but now felt like the perfect time.

It's exactly how I feel......
I nodded to the band and started singing.

"I'm gazing upwards, a world I can't embrace. It's only thorns and splinters, venom in my veins.

It's Okay to cry out when it's driving you insane, but somehow someday I'll have to face the pain.
It's all gone cooooold, and no one wants the blame. It's all gone wrooooonng, but who am I ? Who am I to say. "

I sang from deep down inside, that's what I was feeling and am sure Alex is feeling the same.

I sang most the song sounding confident, but then I started having flashbacks of Alex and me.

FLASHBACK
"Did someone kidnap you and put you here ?" I asked as she sat there looking at me shock.
That was the first time we met.

"Alex, you're welcomed to stay with me ?" She smiled and followed me into the elevator .
First night together

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU JUST MADE ME MISS MY BUS !"
Our first kiss

"All in all.
I've been been stuck on that line ."
I sang as we sat in the bathtub together.
"It's all shame pain " Alex finish the lyrics.
Our first "officially " together.

"Ready doll ?"
"Battle born " she smiles as I started kissing her as one thing led to another.
Our first time being passionate with each other.

"Ivan you don't owe me-
"Sshhhhhhh, I want to" I whispered as we danced to "jolene "
Our first dance together.

"Ivan, that was beautiful. "
She said in amazement
"This song I wrote about what it would be like if we haven't met. "
The first song I wrote about her.

"WWWWOOOOAAAAA, GO IVAN!"
Our first crazy ride together.

And my mind went to yesterday,
The carnival.

We're running with the shadows of the night, so baby take my hand, it'll be alright. Surrender all your dreams to me tonight, they'll come true in the end.
Our longest kiss........

END FLASHBACK

I came back to reality.
I didn't even notice that I was crying again, not until I sang again.

"It's all gone CCCCCCOOOOOOOLLLDDD, there's nothing you can say. It's all gone wrong but who am I ? Who am I to SSSSAAAAAAYYYEEAAAHHHHYA .
............

Cold .......