My Diary Literally

My darkest hours

I faces so many stupid struggles in my life but, the struggles I face when I go to New York are almost as dark as they get. Let's start with the shortest story, my Nana. She's been the most important family member in my life since I was really young. Every year for as long as I can remember, we've gone to tag sales. She basically brought a kind of passion to my life. I'd spend every summer up with her wither it was to go to a camp or to hang out with her. Yesterday I found out she has cancer. She has one of the most curable forms but I worry because she has bad bloo just like everyone in my family.

The next struggle comes from my uncles. The first of three is Dewight, he is in jail for life for a murder I know 100% without a doubt that he is innocent. He took the blame to protect his daughter and it basically drained our families finances trying to get him out. we are still trying too but, with not mich luck. My second uncle, Jed is my dad's twin, He is in jail for 5 years which isn't too bad but he has a son who loves him more then the world and a daughter he was just starting to reconnect with, what makes it worse is his wife turned him in for a crime she commited. Yah, my families name tends to always lead to bad sentancing lol. My third uncle just got out of jail for probably the fifth time. He is currently messing up his life again and will probably end up in jail a sixth time. He got in a car accident with Melissa (a close family friend) on the way to new York.

I guess next would come my aunt. She is my idea of sucess, she has children, married a sucessful man but got devorced and married a more sucesful one. I don't think it is only about money though because my aunt runs a sucessful yoga business all on her own not mentioning she was previously an english teacher and has background in medical. She lives her life exploring the world and living with my favorite people, artists.

Finally we come to my cousins. If anyone was under the definition of over dramatic it would be them. The first, Alex who we normaly call LaLa is the one who's dad is in prison for life. Her mom is addicted to drugs, well use to be and even though her mom is better now she still doesn't trust her mom is clean and moved in with my Nana to "Escape the stress". My other cousin Mimi is the child of my aunt and her first wealthy husband. Her mom is vary strict towards her since she wants her to live healthy, her dad basically let's her do anything she wants as long as she's safe. She has gone into one of those rebelious stages where she looks the opposite of what her parents want. she use to have beautiful dark, long curly hair and now she has it styled like a greaser.

Now, I also have same fake cousins, the two that were their were Tessa, she's emo currently in therapy for it and a huge fan of the bands that go to warped tour. Her parents are devorced. She rarely sees her dad and her mom works a lot though tries her best to spend time with her daughter. I feel bad that her mom has to deal with knowing her daughter isn't happy when she's trying so hard to keep her happy. My other fake cousin is Ewan. Now this is what really twists my life in knots. I think that IS love him. I'm not sure though since we literally grew up together it might just be a normal connection. I remember when I was three and he was a new born. I remember when he was four and he'd run around the house naked and we'd sing " I see your hiney all nice nd shiny and if you don't hide it I'll bite it." I remember every moment we've spent together like it happened 10 seconds ago.... Not a day because sometimes I forget yesterday. Yesterday when I saw him it seemed like we hadn't spend a momemt appart. We started wrestling and I pinned him pretty fwst but all I was thinking was how beautiful he was. Why do ai always have to fall for guys that friend zone me?