My Diary Literally

I tried to forget him

     I have serious problems. I always have this need to be in love. Will had invited me over to his lunch table since usually i'm not in his lunch any more. So, I sat next to him and he told me not to. I was hurt and told him I was mad once I sat at the other end of the table. He told me he didn't care because when I get mad at him, we'll be ok the next day since i'm in love with him and he's "Sexy". That got me so pissed, I told him we weren't friends any more and I left.

     I spent over a week not talking to him and he came upto me one day and asked how I was doing. I told him it doesn't matter we're not friends any more, remember. He just stood there for like 10 minutes without us talking. It was so hard to not talk to him because I still care so much about him. But I survived it and we hadn't talked again until the end of the month.

     When we finally did talk again he basically told me how it was impossible for him to not talk to me, how sad he was that I wasn't there for him. Will has this problem where he feels like no one cares about him besides me. I remember one time he tried commiting suicide. Te entire week he was in the psych ward, I saved his seat at our lunch table. I just hoped I'd have a seat waiting for him on the day he came back. On those days if someone needed a chair and Will's was sitting there, I'd sit on the floor and guard his chair like it was a holy Idol. It might sound a little creepy but, when someone told him what I did he admitted to me that it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him. He also told me I was the only person he felt actually cared for him.

     I'm just too weak not to talk to Will, too weak to forget someone so important. I wish it were easier to re-write history but currently it is impossible.

     I have gotten back replies from colleges. It didn't look good at all. 1 out of 4 colleges I applied to accepted me. The one that excepted me is in Canada which means I need to choose between a life filled with sucess or the people I care about. I guess I have a hard decision to make. I honestly hope I chose the people I care about but, my greatest dream is to experience the college life. 

     As for everything else in my life, School has gotten a million times harder since I have to read 2 books at the same time and each having 4 pages of work due after each chapter. Sadly they both got assigned 3 chapters which means I have some reading and over 20 pages of work to do. It's worse that this weekend just happens to be busy between going to new york for dinner and being forced to go shopping with my sister all day today.

     My cousin also visited. Her name is Kate and she's probably the coolest relative I have. We went out for dinner with my sister and I guilted her into eating a lot more food then she wanted ;P She slept over and the next night we played video games for hours and watched to scary movies. The first movie was The Toy Box. It was a ok movie. The beginning was really shocking and was probably the only reason I watched the whole movie besides for me waiting for something to happen which never did. The second movie was Sinister. Kate said it was the scariest movie she had ever seen (which she doesn't get scared often). So I watched it. I only jumped once when the demon in a picture moved but other then that I wasn't scared at all... unless the ending I slept through was scarier but, I doubt it.

     I started a new boyXboy called "Torn In Two" It will basically take the experience I had with Will  and his brother and turn it into a... sexier story, kind of like a fan fic based on my own life. Which reminds me I'm starting to write a 1D fanfic with my favorite Derectioner, Niall. Something about him being different then all the other members makes me want to write about him. Plus the fact that I know how he got his name unlike 90.99% of the population. So, thats an interesting way for the main character to have Niall start liking them.

    Anyways Good bye my little privacy Invaders

                                                                     Love, Jinx