With You

Chapter 12

Cecilia sat cross-legged on a round cushioned seat by the window in the main living area of the quarters she'd been assigned. In her hands was a datapad she read intently. She'd been requested to provide an outline of her plan for taking out the slavery ring. While some of the details wouldn't be known until they gathered more information, she knew enough details to provide them exactly what they'd asked for—a loose outline.

She would provide further details to Obi-Wan and Anakin once they'd left Coruscant space.

A chime at her door alerted her to a presence on the other side. She'd been so deep into studying the datapad she hadn't detected it before hand within the Force. But as soon as she allowed herself to move her attention away from the screen, she knew who it was. One nudge from her through the Force and the door lock was released and the door slid open to allow his entry.

"Good morning, Obi-Wan." She gave him a small smile as she looked from his face to his robe and cloak covered body, then back.

"You're early."

"Good morning, darling. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

She felt he was being considerate, playful even—but under it she could sense the tinges of worry. She motioned to the chair a few feet away opposite her. "Not at all, please, join me." Once he'd settled into the seat across from her, she observed him again, head tilting to the side. "What is it, Obi? What brings you here early, before our breakfast date with Anakin?"

He smiled. "Other than the fact that I simply desire to spend as much time with you as I can to make up for all the lost time between us?"

She nodded. "Yes, other than that. Have you forgotten that you cannot hide anything from me, Obi-Wan? I can sense your worry."

He sighed and his shoulders dropped. "I'd forgotten how sensitive to each others feelings we were through this bond."

"I remember when I got a slight burn from my training saber and you practically sprinted from your meditation lesson with Master Qui-Gon," Cecilia chuckled and Obi-Wan joined her.

"Oh yes, he wasn't too thrilled with that. But I think that might have been when he and Master Lin realized exactly how strong our bond was. Do you remember them whispering to each other afterwards?"

"I remember us cluelessly wondering what they could possibly be discussing. We were ignorant for so long to the fact that our bond wasn't exactly normal. They always seemed to be conspiring when they had us sparring against each other and working together."

"Will you see Master Lin before we leave on our mission?" Obi-Wan asked, thinking about his conversation with the older woman last night.

Cecilia  took a deep breath, smiled, and nodded. "I hope to."

"She works in the Archives now—I'm sure you could find her there."

"Perhaps after breakfast. Which brings me back to my question, which you have so well avoided. What brought you here early, Obi-Wan?"

He furrowed his brow and looked down to his hands in his lap. "I need to ask you a question."

She slipped her legs down to touch the floor and leaned towards him, hands reaching out to grab his. "Of course. Anything."

He gulped. "Why—why did you leave the Order?"

She sighed, but took a deep breath and smiled, leaning further over and raising his chin to meet her, the feel of his beard tickling her fingers served as another reminder to her that they were no longer the children they once were. "Obi—I knew this question was coming. And I think you are prepared for the answer. I think you deserve to know the answer. And I think together we can work through it—okay?" He nodded, so she took his hands in hers again and began. "I will be totally honest with you. My heart was broken by your behavior. You were deep in grief, and that I understand. And I know why you behaved the way you did. I do not hold any grudge or ill will towards you. I let go of it a long time ago, even before you explained it to me last night, I had forgiven you. Long before I left my feelings for you had led me to some research. About the code, about Jedi, about their beliefs on attachments and romantic relationships. But I need you to hear me, Obi-Wan—while your actions may have been the catalyst, it merely set me onto a course I had already considered in the deepest depths of my mind but feared pursuing. There are too many parts of the Jedi Code that I do not agree with. I found in my studies of ancient texts within the Archive an alternate version of the mantra we were trained so diligently to recite... Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force. In some ways, the differences are so small in that they are just a few words. But—it seems that we used to acknowledge, even embrace that emotion, passion, all these things were and are a part of who we are. Instead of denying them, we should learn to help them become a part of who we are and drive us towards good. They can drive us towards good, not evil. Towards the light, not the dark. I could no longer stand to be a part of a place that tried to have me strip myself of the deep love and commitment I felt towards you. One that would make you feel that the only way to live by your Code was to push me away. You were the catalyst perhaps, Obi-Wan. But it merely opened my eyes to see that my belief in the Force was my own and that I didn't need the Jedi Code to guide me to the Light."

Obi-Wan took a shaky breath and gave a small nod. "I see."

She looked away then, giving his hands a gentle squeeze before standing and walking to the window. "I should have stayed. I should have fought you, fought for you. I should have spoken up. Maybe... maybe instead of running away I should have stayed and fought for change."

He stood and walked over, examine her face as she stared out at the skyline. "So—you do regret leaving the Order?"

She considered her answer carefully, then turned and gazed into his eyes and whispered, "I do not regret leaving the Order. I regret leaving you. I could have stayed, should have stayed—to fight for you."

"I should have gone after you. Should have searched the galaxy to find you," he whispered back.

She sighed and leaned in, her forehead touching his. "We both have regrets for our past decisions, it seems."

"But as we have said—we cannot change the past," he stated.

"And we cannot predict the future," she added.

"We can only live in the present—and let the Force guide our decisions towards the future we find it guiding us towards, towards the future we want."

"I want a future with you, Obi-Wan. Of that I am sure."

He leaned back and squeezed the hand he now held in his. "As do I. Which leads me to the other thing I wanted to discuss with you. Something I am confident of now that I have heard your answer to the first question."

"What is that?" she asked, deeply curious as she now saw not worry or doubt, but confidence returning to him.

"When we return from our mission—I wish to speak to the Council about... us. But not just us—about the clarification of the Code regarding attachments."

Cecilia's eyes went wide. "But, Obi— if you challenge the Code."

"There is no questioning, Cecilia, that the Force gave us—allowed us—this bond. That the Force guided and gave us this...attachment... to one another. This love for one another. And it brings us to peace, to the Light. How can the Code deny that which the Force give strength to in such a positive way?"

"You seek to change the Jedi Code?"

"I seek to guide the Council to at least consider it. Anakin and I surely can't be the only two hiding relationships."

"What if the Council reacts negatively to your suggestions."

"The Council can either accept my relationship with you—or they can strip me of my Jedi rank and I will join you—where ever it is that you call home. Do you know we haven't even discussed that? Where do you call home?"

"Obi-Wan! Really? I mean—I couldn't ask such a thing of you."

"If I felt I was leaving behind all ability to do good in this galaxy—to help people—if I thought I would no longer be able to be at one with the Force, to live and work within it, to let it guide me—then perhaps I would be more concerned."

"You can't not be concerned about this, Obi-Wan."

"Of course I am concerned. My future hangs in the balance. But as long as that future is with you, and is being guided by the Force to do good and bring good to those around me—then I am doing what I should be doing."

"I worry that the Council is not going to react well to this."

"Well, we needn't worry about it for now. For now—we focus on the mission."

"For now, we focus on having breakfast with your former Padawan. Which leads me to a question of my own, Obi-Wan."

"What's that?"

"Anakin is surely going to ask similar questions to your own. He's going to want to understand why I left the Jedi Order."

"I owe a lot of answers to Anakin. About my own behavior. He's like a brother to me, Cecilia. I only hope he will understand."

"Of course he will."