My best friends poems.

dissapear

disappear:
i don't recognize myself anymore
I look in the mirror and I don't know who's looking back at me
the person staring back at me like they just took over
they took over my life
I don't know who I am anymore
I want myself back
I want to be me again
Im so tired of putting on the front that I'm still me, when I don't know who I am
but no one can know that right?
what would they think if they knew how messed up I am?
how would they look at me if they knew that I'm losing myself
the person so many rely on, slowly slipping away
but they don't see it
they don't see the cry's for help
they don't see me slowly being dragged down into the pit of nothingness by the shadow staring back at me in the mirror
they can't hear the little kid screaming for their mom because their scared
they don't see the struggle im facing
they see the person that i want them to see
they see the show
because
honestly?
I don't know if anyone can handle what's happening
I mean
I barely can, so how can I put that on somebody else?
I can't
I can't make someone who is going through shit as well suffer too
I wouldn't forgive myself
whoever I am
I would hate them even more
So I show them what they want to see
fake the smiles
fake it till you make it right?
only that's the biggest fucking lie I think I've ever heard
cause I'm tired
im so tired of faking it
I just want someone to notice
I want someone to see how I'm slipping away
I need someone to hear the screams
but I can't
because they can't know
no one can
but I can't
because they can't know
no one can know that I'm being pulled into the eternal darkness by my own self
my own mind betraying me
that's funny, isn't it
I guess it is
I miss myself.
- bm