Desires over pain

chapter one

"At my darkest time
I expected you to be by my side
On the outside, i looked strong,
But within me, i wondered what i did wrong"

My name is Elaura Thomas, i am 27 and my life is certainly not the one to be proud of, i have zero acomplishments. I was just a normal student in high school and in college. I wanted to be a doctor but i had change my mind and studied business management. I lived alone in my crampy apartment. I'm not that beautiful but i had a perfect body with a pretty. Life before five years was great but after..... I lost everything, my parents, my sister and even the man i loved. I work as a waiter in a small restaurant. I wasn't earning much but it was enough for my life right now.
My best friend Fiona has been great, she had been with me when life was hell. She was holding a torch when my life was full of darkness.
* flashback *
I was dating this man for two years, i loved him but he loved me even more.At that time, i was just twenty years old. We met online and curiosity got the better of us and we decided to meet. I was sitting in the restaurant with so much eagerness. I found myself drumming the table with my fingers and tapping my leg nervously and i kept glancing at the door subconciously whenever it opens. And when i saw him all the line that i have planned several times, i couldn't even remember to greet him. My mouth suddenly went dry. He was so handsome, my eyes traced from his black hair to his dark grey eyes to his pointed nose down to his pink lips that looked soft. My eyes went down to his neck and i couldn't help but reason how it will feel to wrap my hands around it. 'God, what the hell was i thinking.' I met him online about 7 months ago and we had agreed to meet after that and i knew that i had some undeniable for him and i pray he felt the same way.
I saw him walk towards me like a king and i couldn't help but straighten my back. I felt inferior to him, he was like a king and i was like a peasant. He was wearing designer clothes and i was just wearing a cheap dress, i thought he was going to badmouth me like others but he didn't make me feel bad , he actually called me beautiful and if it wasn't because i was trying to be elegant i would have laughed loudly until i fell off my chair.
I was still lost in my fantasy when i heard a knock on my door, it was Fiona" hey were you crying again " she asked and i couldn't help but sigh because i didn't actually notice that i was crying until now. I forgot to mention that we are both waitresses, she is always coming to pull me to go to work." no i wasn't " i lied "oh Elaura,you cant lie to me " she said with her hands on her hips then she looked at me from head to toe as she used her right hand to lift my chin so i could look at her. " look at me baby girl, do i look like i am five to you?" I looked at her with tears in my eyes asi shooked my head negatively" no fiona, hell no, i dont think that about you " i said.
" oh please quit crying, everything will be okay, why dont you come and live with my family, they will definitely welcome you " she said as she pulled me for a hug "oh Fiona how can i ever thank you, and i am going to call when i need you, trust me " i said as i started sobbing.
" shhh, shhh, it's going to be okay now will need to go to work before silvia makes Jeffrey tell on us" she said as she was laughing and it made me laugh also.
Jeffrey is our accountant while silvia is a waitress at the restaurant. They are in a relationship but Jeffrey is in love with her and he is crazy about her but she just uses him to get her way at the restaurant because Jeffrey is the nephew of my boss. I dont like silvia because she is a snobbish and haughty bitch. Oh God forgive me for the foul language but she deserves it. I picked up my bag and walked out with Fiona trailing behind me. I locked the door and walked downstairs and i saw my annoying neighbour Lucy. I tried to ignore her but she wasn't letting me because she was standing right in my front. Lucy is obsessed with always competing, she thinks that everything is a competition. I would have said that i hated her but hate is a strong word. Then i asked as i tried to control my anger" lucy, is anything the problem "
"i just wanted to check up on you " she said in a not so sweet voice.
" well, you have seen me right? " i said sacarstically.
"Nora, isn't it too early to be this hot" she said.
" firstly, it's Elaura and lucy, i am not in the mood for your nonsense"
"Elaura, nice name you know "
" get the hell out of my way lucifer or lucy or whatever your name is " Fiona shouted at her.
"im going already " she said as she glared at us but i had other things to think of. I was already late and i wasn't ready to hear old Mr williams lectures. He is the owner of our restaurant and he is such a nice man but i just cant stand his unending speech. We flagged a taxi as we got in. We used a taxi today because we were late already and i couldn't walk to bus stand.
I saw a couple sitting together in the restaurant. I had gone to serve them and everything they said reminded me of the one that i had loved the most. I walked inside as i rested my head on the wall as i started thinking about how he had loved and protected me and all the things he had done for me. I am more angry at myself for not being able to hate him even a little bit. He is my first and last love but i couldn't say the same about him to me. I remembered our first meeting and how our love story began. We started with dates at different restaurants and we started going to different places. Lord, it was perfect, he was such a perfect man and every thing he said to me meant the world to me. He never made me feel inferior to him. He is always about my opinion about the things happening in our relationship. We always spent time talking on the phone while we weren't with each other. And he hadn't even tried to kiss me because he says he wanted to know what i thought about us and he was willing to wait for me to be ready to accept his love. I was ready to even say yes to him but he wanted me not to be forced. He asked me " have you ever wonder that i might not be who i seem to be " but i was too blinded with love that i didn't understand the meaning of the question and that i was sure that i loved him and that even for many years to come that i will still love him and i was downright serious when i said it because i still find myself loving him and Lord i felt like a fool. People says that you find love three times in your life and i spent all the three love on the same man. We argued sometimes but a relationship grows with dissagreement right?
And through out the time we were dating, i never once went to bed angry at him because he will always apologise by gifting you a necklace and sometimes i just dont know how he does it but he will always lean over and whisper sorry to you and by the time he is done, you will be wearing a diamond necklace. I was hurted because i placed myself bare to him, i gave him everything i had. He would have been the man that i would have married but the whole universe were against it. His love drove me crazy to the extent that i couldn't even think. I dont wish to think about him but everything around reminds me of him. I was empty but he filled me, and after he left, i was empty. He was everything and if it wasn't because i wasn't catholic, i would have being a nun. He loved me beyond any one can think of and i still have a hard time believing that it was all a lie.
I was lost in my train of thoughts when the crazy bitch Silvia called me. She didn't even try to act nice when she saw i was crying instead she gloated over it. I felt like pushing her to the wall and slapping that look of her face but thank God, Jeffrey came in time and they started making out as usual and i walked out.