Desires over pain

chapter five

" i was always alone from the begining
But i was damn right when i said you were lovely
I just wished that you had trusted me
When the whole world turned ugly"
I cried as he said every word to me. I didn't reply and he didn't want me to.
After that time with Raphael, we didn't talk much through out my stay at the hospital and i was glad that i was leaving. He dropped me home and left. I couldn't help but remember Lucy, i sure didn't like her but i didn't want her dead. I heard someone moved into the house today but i didn't care, i just prayed that he or she would be better than late Lucy. I had my bath, i wore my nighttie without a robe since i was alone. I heard someone knocking and it was Raphael. I opened the door for him, he carried some disposable bags in and i guess that he brought dinner. He asked me to chose the dish that i wanted. I started eating because i was hungry. I noticed that he was staring at me but i didn't say anything. But when i was becoming uncomfortable i asked "why are you staring at me, dont tell me that you poisoned this food too"
"hehehe, why cant i stare at you, you are such a beautiful sight" i didn't say anything. When we finished eating, i took the plates to the dishwasher, i packed up the leftover to the fridge. I saw Raphael washing the plates so i went to my living room to wait. I was stretching and i had forgotten that i wasn't alone and i wasn't wearing a robe. I was about going to tell Raphael that i wanted to sleep, i saw him staring at me. I walked to him to say thank you as well mannered girl but he pulled me for a hug instead. And i forgot to push him, i haven't hugged any man like this for the past five years but i wasn't going to let him hug me, i have gotten enough, i wasn't going to let myself drown in my crazy desires, i wasn't going to have sex with my parents muderer but hell, it was hard.
When i finally pulled away, he kissed me and it was everything. I shouldn't have but i kissed her back. His hands dropped to my waist and i found myself rubbing myself on him. He picked me up and i wrapped my legs around him and i felt his hands on my back side as we kissed. He walked to my room and we continued. I felt hot, i wanted more and at that time i didn't care about anything or anybody, i wanted it so i was going to get it, then after today, i wont meet him. I felt him stopping but i pulled him back to me. He raised my nighttie over my head and i was left naked. His hand was on my breast and his mouth on the other. I was dying because of pleasure. " Elaura.... Are you sure? "
I didn't say anything because i didn't want to sound desparate or even push him away. I grabbed his face as i pressed my lips against his. And that was all he wanted. I didn't even know when i slept off.

When i woke up, i was angry at myself. I couldn't believe that i actually had sex with a muderer, a man i loved and hated at the same time. I tried to calm myself saying that he took advantage of me. I convinced myself well enough after some few minutes. I stood up but i felt sore all over. I was about falling when he held me. " dont touch me ". He placed me back on the bed and removed his hands but he was still standing next to me. I pushed him far from me as i laid back on the bed. He picked up his clothes and he was wearing it. Why the hell did i sleep with him i thought but i didn't realise that i said it out loud, "well you couldn't resist me" he said with an arrogant tone and i lost it " you know that i could file a case for rape". I knew that i was bluffing but i tried to maintain a serious expression. He chuckled and said " well, you know rape means unwillingly right?". " God, Raphael you took advantage of me, i was vulnerable ". "could you just stop trying to make seem that i forced you"
"of course, that is what you did".
"God, El i didn't "
"oh yes you did"
"well i didn't stop you from pulling away, it wasn't me who wrapped my legs around you, oh Elaura, i am a man and a very normal man, you dont expect me to push you away " he said and i felt the tears that i have been holding fall. He looked like he regretted saying it because he walked to me as he tried to touch me but i pushed him away " get out of my house " i said quietly as i closed my eyes trying to stop my tears and i felt his lips on my forehead. Immediately when i heard the door close, i started sobbing, i cried for some minutes. He made me realise the mistake i had committed two times, he said the exact words he said five years ago and i just couldn't forgive him. Everything he said made me remember all the reasons that i wouldn't forgive him. I brushed my teeth, bathe then dress in my favourite black cropped top and shorts. I walked to my kitchen and i saw that he prepared breakfast before he left and i saw that he left a sticky notr that says ' I'm sorry, Elaura. I shouldn't have'
I ate the breakfast not because i forgave him for what he did but because i was hungry. I dressed up as i decided to let old Mr.williams know that i was quite fit to start working. I didn't see Fiona which reminded that i haven't been seeing her quite frequently. I picked up my phone as i called her. She picked up on the fourth ring. " Hello,Fiona "
"yes how are you, oh i am sorry i couldn't come see you. Dad health is detoriating and we are all worried"
"oh, bless him to be save"
" oh okay, goodbye "
I hung up, i change my clothes and i dressed up, i picked up my bag and went out. I flagged a taxi. I saw that the restaurant was quite busy. I went through the back door, i saw Jeffrey and Silvia making out, i rolled my eyes upward. I ignored them, i stepped in and went to Mr williams office, " good day sir"
"hey, Elaura my dear child "
"i just came over to tell you that i wish to start working "
"are you sure you are okay? "
"yes sir"
"okay, you can start"
"bye" i waved him and i left. I saw Silvia and she was looking at me and smirking. I tried to ignore her but she blocked me. " what do you want " i said.
"you, since your backbone isn't here, i can bully you "
"just move"
"hell no" she said as i pushed her.
She tried to slap me, i held her hands as i slapped her hard. She looked stunned well i might not be able to beat a man but a tiny woman like Silvia, i can. I pushed her as i walked away but she pulled my hair. I turned around as i punched on her face she just kept pulling my hair as i continue punching her. Her boyfriend came out, he pushed me down. He was about to hit me when i saw him on the floor. I looked up and i saw it was Raphael. He picked me up from the floor. Jeffrey wanted to fight back but some men dressed in black picked him up and took him away. I was glad that this was the back door and there was nobody over here. I didn't want to be on youtube. I stood up and pulled my hands from his hands. I tried to fix my hair but it didn't help. "Elaura, Elaura " Raphael called out to me but i didn't turn around. " he held my hands and said " babe, i am sorry, i know that i have been a jerk to you and i am sorry"
I tried to pull away but he wasn't letting me. " can you stop showing up in my life, i need space " i said and he looked hurt. I wanted to apologise but i knew that he didn't deserve this. So i flagged a taxi and left.