Desires over pain

chapter nine

" i remembered your promise not to leave
But you fled away without even notice
The memories i had with you were the sweetest
But at the same time, it was the meanest."
After bathing, i wore the robe in the bathroom. I went back into the room and i saw Raphael sleeping. He was probably tired of running. I didn't want to even wake him but i had to. " hey, Raphael, wake up" he stood up and hugged me again and i smiled at him and asked " are you okay ". He nodded and walked to the bathroom and he was out few minutes later with the second robe there. We went to bed lying on each other bodies.

The next morning, i was feeling sick but i didn't want to tell Raphael because he seemed tired. So i tiptoed to the bathroom, i locked the door and tried to be quiet when i was throwing up. I had my bath and went inside the room. I saw Raphael with his phone in his hands. When he saw me , he stood up and hugged me again as he said" good morning, L'amour de ma vie"(love of my life) and i looked confused because i didn't understand french so i asked" meaning" and he said " beauty " i nodded as i blushed. I pushed him so i could sit down. He pecked my forehead and went into the bathroom.
When he came out, he was fully dressed. He walked to me and asked" are you hungry, should we eat here"
" I am hungry but i m not eating it here"
" okay " just the thought of me eating here made we want to throw up.
We went out together and i saw my best friend, Fiona and she was with Aaron and i remembered that i wanted to ask Raphael. She rushed to me and hugged me and i was still holding Raphael hands.
" Hey, Raphael " she said and i was shocked.
" you know him? " i asked and she nodded.
" he is Aaron's so how should i not know him"
" okay, hey Aaron "
"hi, bébé mia" (my baby) he said and Fiona and Raphael glared at him and he smiled at me. We got into the car, i and Fiona in the backseat, while the guys were in the front. Fiona raised the partition so we could talk without interuption.
" so tell me everything that happened " she said as she squealed.
" no, you have to tell me about how you know Aaron. "
" oh, remember when i told you that i was almost raped and when i reported to the police, the man wanted to kill me. It was Aaron that was my saviour."
" oh...okay "
" now tell me about you and Raphael, are you back together and i saw you guys holding hands."
" no, we aren't back together but we have been sleeping together " i said and she squealed excitingly as she held my hands.
"that's nice " she said.
"no, it isn't, i am sleeping with my family's muderer, it is crazy just that my mind cant tell my body what it wants." " do you think that my parents would feel disappointed in me for sleeping with a man that murdered them.
"hell no, they are dead, i mean dead they cant do anything to you"
"but there's something i am not understanding, like this is a puzzle and a huge piece is missing, i need answers Fiona. " i said to Fiona as she is the only person i trust.
"you see, you dont have to stress yourself, when you get to the part of your journey, you will understand., just know that things are not always how it seems to be "
I nodded but i could not help but think about what she just said, why was everybody repeating the same thing, i was having headache just thinking about it. We talked about things, we talked about silvia and Jeffrey. And how they were fired after they fought with me and i guess that i wasn't fired because i wasn't on duty.
We stopped in front of a building and Fiona hugged me goodbye. I went to the front seat to seat with Raphael and he looked happy.
"why do you look happy " i asked. " do i look happy "
"yes, you do "
"oh..okay "
"why"
"huh?"
"why are you happy "
"nothing "
"okay"

We didn't talk again after that. Mostly because Raphael was lost in his own thoughts and was smiling foolishly. We stopped in front of an apartment and we walked in. I noticed few people following us but they couldn't enter. I was overjoyed that i was going to sleep without someone trying to kill me but firstly i need answers.
" Hey, you promised to tell me about what you and Aaron are doing "
" oh that, i planned to destroy the gang. I wanted to collect it from Andrew but i realised that i would be forced to be the mafia boss, so i planned to destroy everything. "
I was stunned" why would you do that "
" because i dont want to risk you, and you dont have to feel bad, it is time for Andrew to let go "
" okay "
" are you hungry ?"
" nope but yes, i am now hungry because you asked me. " he chuckled and i saw that he was happy.
"are you hiding something from me "
" what.... No"
I nodded my head but i didn't believe him. He went to the kitchen and prepared something for me to eat as i watched TV. I heard him setting the table and i stood up and walked to him.
I sat down and i was irritated with what i saw, most of the dishes were just vegetables. I saw him smiling at me and i just glared at him. " hey what's the meaning of this? "
" food for you to eat"
" i know but why veggies"
" so you can have strength to fight and run away"
"i am not eating this, so have it" i said as i stood up and walked to the kitchen to look for what to eat.
" hey what are you doing "he asked me.
" I am about to look for something to eat"
"i made food for us"
I started crying and i didn't know why but i just felt like crying " hey, baby what happened "
"why are you doing this, i haven't said anything bad to you "
"sorry, i will make something for you to eat and you dont have to eat veggies, okay? "
I nodded my head in triumph as i walked to the living room to watch TV again. I watched him working i felt bad but he deserved it, he shouldn't have given me veggies to eat.
One hour later and he was done. I was satisfied with what he made and i ate almost everything on the table.
" hey, i will wash the dishes " i volunteered but Raphael shaked his head negatively and i felt sleepy. So i nodded and went to room with Raphael. He tucked me in for my afternoon nap and i slept off. I had a dream and in the dream, mum and dad were disappointed in me as they turned their back on me. I called out to them but they didn't answer me.
I woke up with tears in my eyes, i went to the bathroom to pee and washed my face. I went back to the bed to sit on it. Raphael walked in and i was so angry so i said " what the hell are you doing here? ". He looked shocked at my attitude as he said.
"i came to check up on you"
"oh, really " i asked sarcastically.
"yes, are you okay, do you need something "
" hell no, why are you acting nice "
" nothing, and i was just checking up on you "
"you didn't check up on me five years ago "
"we should not talk about this today "
"and why. Are you suddenly feeling guilty "
"hell no and we are not talking about this today"
"so when " i asked him and he closed his eyes and said " i would tell you when you are ready "
"you are telling me this right now or we wouldn't stay in the same house and i am serious"
"you should not threathen me, woman "
"or else what, will you kill me the same way you killed my parents " i mustered all the courage to say that.
" hell no, i would never hurt you "
"oh yes you did hurt me "
"i am begging you Elaura, let it go, it wouldn't end the way you want it "