Desires over pain

chapter two

"everyone around me has gone
And i had no one to lean on
I thought i had you with me
But it was based on my own fantasy"

Old Mr williams wanted to see me and i was right. I saw Fiona with her head down as she was trying to hide her smile. I found old Mr. Williams lectures annoying while Fiona found them quite hilarious. I was about to walk over when mr williams motioned for me to go closer to him and i thought he was going to start giving us lectures on why we should not go to work late but he didn't he just said that he was increasing our salaries. I was shocked by what i heard. I looked at Fiona thinking it was her but she looked suprised also. I decided to ask " sir, i thought you were going to scold us for coming late but you are increasing our salaries" he shooked his head as he said " no Elaura, i was planning to increase your salaries but i had not remember " .
I wanted to cry but it wasn't suitable for my suituation. I nodded my head as i quietly muttered a thank you as Fiona hugged me. I was begining to worry about my rent and some other bills but old mr williams saved me.
After closing hours, i decided to work home since it was still early and i told Fiona and we decided to walk together. We walked to my house since Fiona didn't like going home. I felt someone watching me but when i turned back i didn't see anyone. Fiona didn't like going home early since her home was always crowded. I prepared a small meal for us with the help of Fiona. Fiona has been with me when it felt like i was dying. She sat down by my hospital bed, she paid my bills and she helped me like a sister and a mother. When the world turned against me she stood by me and offered me her shoulder to cry on whenever i think about him and she never one day stopped me from loving him. I started crying when i realised that i had loved and trusted him. I started crying when i realised that i had loved and trusted him the same way and he left me. And he left me broken, he never let me to bed angry at him but i have been going to bed crying and cursing him. Oh God, i wanted him, no i needed him. Fiona was patting my back as she whispered sweet things to me and told me not to give up. But how could i not give up. He made it clear that day that he was never mine. Oh i just wish that i would not think about him again but my heart wasn't agreeing with my mind. It was beating for one person and it was him.
" Fiona, why......why am i like this? " i asked her and i am pretty sure she is tired of hearing this question but she didn't let it show on her face. " shhh,you are great Elaura " she said to me in a sweet angelic voice and i wondered what i would do if Fiona ever betray me. " i dont know why i still love him and why i cant stop even knowing about everything he has done, oh Fiona why " i said and i guess she was used to my behaviour by now.
" for God sake, Elaura listen to me, you have not done anything wrong by loving him and you know if you were meant to be, you would be together. " she said as she handed me a glass of water to take some Anti depressants. I drank all and dabbed my eyes with my shirt and sighed. God knows that i haven't being able to sleep well and i got kinda used to my sleeping pills. I watched Fiona picked up her phone and let her mum know that she wasn't coming home and and she carried the plates to the dishwasher. She held my hands and directed me to my large bed that i got from a garage sale.she filled up the bath tub and brought out a nighttie for me to wear. I went into the bathroom and sighed as i couldn't help but notice how Fiona does everything like the way he does. But i brushed the thought thinking that i was running mad.i didn't even know that time had gone until i hearf Fiona knock on the door. I cleaned up and asked her to pass my nighttie and she did. I filled the tub for her and chose a beautiful nighttie for her also and passed it to when she was done. I took my sleeping pills as i went to bed with a sigh
Fiona slept on the left part and i slept on the right.oh i wish i could just get Fiona to live with me but she always helps her family in taking care of her mischevious nieces and nephews. I dozed off and i didn't even know when but i was awake three hours later and i knew that, that was all the sleep i was getting.
I woke Fiona up after. I have had my bath and prepared breakfast for us. She had her bath and ate her breakfast. We weren't going to work today because it was a sunday. We chatted about different things and even gossiped about people at the restaurant. I felt guilty for not telling her about my secret but i just couldn't tell her. I have kept this secret for five years and i planned to take it to my grave with me. That was the same secret that made me stop looking for him. It was the same reason i was depressed to the bones. Fiona must have noticed me spacing out but because she snapped her fingers to get my attention " i'm sorry, Fiona but you know i cant help but_"she stopped me from talking as she said " Elaura i m angry at you "i immediately asked" why Fiona?"
" because, i dont want you apologising and treating me like a stranger, we are friends more like sisters and i dont want you to give me reasons for thinking about someone you love, i understand you and i want you to do the same with me"
"okay" i said as i stood up to hug her and she hugged me back. When i first saw her i didn't want to show her my vulnerable state but when she shared her story with me, i kind of became free with her. Fiona looked strong but she has been through a lot of things.she was almost raped by her boss and he made sure she had remain jobless when she reported him to the police but thanks to her savior he asked her for something and in return she will be saved but she never told me what she did and i didn't ask. She came back two months before we met and we started our friendship from there. She always says things happens for different reasons and i want to believe her.
But i just cant.