Desires over pain

chapter four

"I still find myself crying about it
Even if my heart is telling me you aren't worth it
I told myself i should have left you
The second i had a chance to"

I was in the hospital when i woke up, i saw a lady sitting by my side, i called out and she said she was the one that brought me to the hospital but she forgot to ask the doctor how i was, she was about going out when i told her that i wanted mineral water and she rushed out to get it. The doctor walked in and i said "doctor how is my baby"
"i am sorry but you lost the baby " he said and i started crying and i asked him not to tell the lady that saved me that he should just say that i got injured on my leg.
He agreed. I didn't want to tell her because i didn't want her to leave me and ask me to pay for my own bills because i had limited money. I cried until she came back and patted my back, it was just like yesterday when i was with my family and everything happened on my birthday. I promised myself to never forgive Raphael, i might love him but i will never be with him. I was still lost in my train of thought when i heard a knock on my door, i opened it thinking it was Fiona but it wasn't. It was a man and he held a gun and hell he pointed it at me. I was about closing the door when he placed his leg in between. We started struggling and his gun fell from his hands downstairs. He walked to me and hit me, he punched me like as if he was fighting a man. I pushed him and hit him with a flower vase . i rushed towards the door but he dragged me and slapped me. He was still beating me and using me to destroy my house. He tried to choke me but Lucy came in and she said " hey Elaura_ God who the hell are you " he rushed to lucy to collect the gun but i caught his legs. He marched my hands with his foot and i shouted for Lucy to run but she just stood there as she threw the gun at him. 'well what a pleasant idea' i thought he used all his strength to step on me as he picked up the gun and shot Lucy. I shouted as i jumped from the balcony down. I didn't care about if i die but i didn't let that dude shoot me. It was my lucky day because a car was parked right outside my house and it was Raphael. He rushed as he ran to my side to pick me up. He was shaking with rage as he picked me up. And everything was slowly fading as i heard him shouting for me not to leave him.
When i woke up, i was at the hospital by my bedside was Raphael, he was holding my hands, i pulled from him and he woke up.
"baby, are you okay? " he asked but i didn't answer.
"baby, just tell how you are feeling, you have been sleeping for three days "
" why are you here"
"i came to care for you ".
"but i dont need you, you weren't there five years ago "
"can you just forget about it "
"i can never forget about it and stop touching me, i hate it"
He was about to say something when the doctor walked in.
"hey, doctor, am i okay?"
"yeah, you are not that bad you just have some few broken bones but it has been fixed and why the hell did you jump from the second_" he shutted up when he saw Raphael glaring at him.
"why dont i just go " the doctor said as he left.
"why did you kick him out"
"did i?" He said acting nonchalant
"of course, because you were glaring at him and he was scared " i said rolling my eyes.
"i didn't do anything at all"
"leave my room, i dont want to be in the same space as you" i said.
" i took care of you for three days when you were asleep and not even a single thank you "
"thank you now get_" he didn't even allow me to finish my sentence before he kissed me. It was not gentle but hard and rough, i tried to pull away but he wasn't letting me. His grip on me was tight enough to squeeze juice out of orange. He finally pulled away and i slapped him real hard. I knew that it was hurting because my palm was stinging me. He closed his eyes as he stood up and walked out of the room. "Raph_"i tried calling him but he has gone out already.
I cried as i remembered Fiona words, ' you're not lonely, you are pushing everyone away '
I hadn't forgiven Raphael for killing my baby but i love him. I didn't actually want him to go but i didn't want him near me. I was lost in my thought as the door opened, i looked up and it was Raphael, he was holding an ointment. He sat down beside me, he took my hand as he opened the ointment and applied. I couldn't help but remember the last time i slapped him. A guy tried to harrass me and i told Raphael and he almost beat the guy to death, i called him but he didn't stop so i slapped him. He looked up and he saw me crying, i thought he was going to hit me but he held my hand and took me to the car, we drove to a pharmacy, he bought an ointment. He opened my door and knelt down as he applied ointment on my hand. I felt sorry for him because i used all my strength to slap him. I was crying as he was applying it on my hand. When he finished he closed the car door and went to his seat. He drove the car to where we were supposed to eat. Guilt was killing me as i held his hands. He looked up and said " i'm sorry, I'm sorry for making you see me like this, i want to take good care of you not break your heart, i never want you to cry. And i hate myself for ever hurting you and i cant promise you that i wont fight with any guy for you but you dont have to slap me with your hand. Use books, flower vase , plank anything but your hand. Please promise me " .
I was shocked by what he said. I thought he was angry at me for slapping him but he was angry at himself.
* back to present*
I tried to pull my hand away but he wont let me. So i left him when he finished applying it, he knelt down and said " Elaura, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. I have hurted you and i dont want to hurt you anymore but i just cant seem to think straight when i am with you. I have hurt you once again even when i promised not to, i m ashamed of myself right now. I would try my best to make sure that you will never have to use your hands to hit me again. "

I cried as he said every word to me. I didn't reply and he didn't want me to.
After that time with Raphael, we didn't talk much through out my stay at the hospital and i was glad that i was leaving. He dropped me home and left. I couldn't help but remember Lucy, i sure didn't like her but i didn't want her dead. I heard someone moved into the house today but i didn't care, i just prayed that he or she would be better than late Lucy. I had my bath, i wore my nighttie without a robe since i was alone. I heard someone knocking and it was Raphael. I opened the door for him, he carried some disposable bags in and i guess that he brought dinner. He asked me to chose the dish that i wanted. I started eating because i was hungry. I noticed that he was staring at me but i didn't say anything. But when i was becoming uncomfortable i asked "why are you staring at me, dont tell me that you poisoned this food too"
"hehehe, why cant i stare at you, you are such a beautiful sight" i didn't say anything. When we finished eating, i took the plates to the dishwasher, i packed up the leftover to the fridge. I saw Raphael washing the plates so i went to my living room to wait. I was stretching and i had forgotten that i wasn't alone and i wasn't wearing a robe. I was about going to tell Raphael that i wanted to sleep, i saw him staring at me. I walked to him to say thank you as well mannered girl but he pulled me for a hug instead. And i forgot to push him, i haven't hugged any man like this for the past five years but i wasn't going to let him hug me, i have gotten enough, i wasn't going to let myself drown in my crazy desires, i wasn't going to have sex with my parents muderer but hell, it was hard.
When i finally pulled away, he kissed me and it was everything. I shouldn't have but i kissed her back. His hands dropped to my waist and i found myself rubbing myself on him. He picked me up and i wrapped my legs around him and i felt his hands on my back side as we kissed. He walked to my room and we continued. I felt hot, i wanted more and at that time i didn't care about anything or anybody, i wanted it so i was going to get it, then after today, i wont meet him. I felt him stopping but i pulled him back to me. He raised my nighttie over my head and i was left naked. His hand was on my breast and his mouth on the other. I was dying because of pleasure. " Elaura.... Are you sure? "
I didn't say anything because i didn't want to sound desparate or even push him away. I grabbed his face as i pressed my lips against his. And that was all he wanted. I didn't even know when i slept off.