𝐅𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒ఌ

五

𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐈 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐐𝐔𝐄
The next morning

Today I woke up in a bad mood. Which is bad, really bad. It's never a good day for me when my mornings start off bad.

I forced myself to get out of bed because I know I had a package delivered. I went to get my mail from my mailbox and walked back in my house and slammed the door not before placing the package on the floor.

I then walked back to my bed and went to sleep.

I woke up thinking a nap would make me feel better but I starting to have bad thoughts about myself again. I've tried so hard not to feel like this anymore.

After starting at my wall for a good 45 minutes, I got up and went and filled the tub up with warm water. While that filled I brushed my teeth.

Finally looking up in the mirror at myself. I busted out crying.

Why can't I be happy? Do I not deserve happiness? What did I do to deserve not being happy?

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆.

Thoughts rushed through her head as she cried.

She grabbed her razor blade from under the sink and slid off her clothes.

She then soaked in the water for a bit before grabbing her razor cutting up her legs yelling hatful things towards herself every cut.

She felt that wasn't enough. She did not hurt enough. She decided to cut on her wrist. She has never done that before.

First cut she did it really fast. She felt a little stinging feeling. After waiting a few minutes it's started aching. The feeling she was itching for.

She then began to cut carelessly not caring if she hit a vein because she doesn't want to be here anymore. She wanted to be dead.

After she finished she smiled looking at her arm.

"You deserved it stupid bitch" she spat.

She laid back in her bloody water and put her head under the water.

She was going to stay but changed her mind. She got up and unplugged the plug and watched the water go down the drain.

She grabbed her Clorox spray and sprayed the tub down cleaning it.

She walked further into her bedroom to get to the shower. She turned it on steaming hot and got in.

This was her way of punishing herself . She hated herself. She wished she would die already.

She grabbed her loofa and put Dr. Bronner's soap in her loofa watching it get really soapy. In that moment she was wishing she had the peppermint kind. Instead she had unscented.

She rubbed roughly all over her body gritting her teeth. She washed over and over till her body felt raw.

𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑.

She got out the shower and put lotion, deodorant on, and Vaseline over my newest scars. She then put on her underwear on and a champion sport bra and some black champion sweats.

Getting mad at herself all over again. She stormed to her closet looking around in disgust.

She walked up to the outfit and threw it off the island. She walked to her shelves knocking over everything in sight. She went BALLISTIC in her room. She threw everything around. Crying and screaming in anger.

She pick up shit and threw it at walls. She stopped and collapsed on the floor sobbing.

She knew it was something wrong with her this wouldn't be the first time she destroyed her penthouse.