Diary of a grieving heart

Day 13

Today is the 13th day since you left or maybe the 14th I don't really know...one second it feels like it's been months and the other it feels like it just happened. Yesterday was the first time that I clipped my nails on my own....such a great accomplishment isn't it? It's not like I didn't know how to but I always liked it when you would ask me to clip my nails and I'd pretend not to know how to so you would do it for me. I cooked a soup today mom..but it wasn't like yours, it will never taste like it. All the time I was thinking about what you would say if you would be here, about how you would tease me because you spoiled me a lot and didn't teach me how to cook. I ate quickly but it just tasted like ash on my mouth. How come I never cooked something for you when you cooked for us your entire life? How come I was so foolish and never knew all the burdens you carried and how difficult it is to take care of a house and a family. Everything is slowly going into it's place...even the carpets are washed and put into place, our beds are ready but we are still sleeping in your room. The four of us. I am laying on your bed right now where we used to take our afternoon naps. Where are you mom? Why can't we cuddle together anymore? Why can't I feel your warmth and your perfume? Why can't I kiss your cheeks which were softer than clouds? I think I'm starting to forget...am I really?
No. That's not true, I can't forget ,I can't forget your smile, your laugh , I can't forget you. You're all that I think about mom.
It's been 13 days and it's not getting any easier. Come back mom...we all want you back but I know that the dead can't really come back.
I'm going to sleep now even though it's very early, even though we never used to sleep before 1am we all sleep early now, that's all we want to do just sleep and hope that at least we'll see you in our dreams and hope to never wake up from those dreams again.
I couldn't say it to you but now I say it every moment...I love you mom