It was a feeling hard to explain. But I will try my best to do so.
There was a very heavy feeling in my chest. Like my ribcages were full and aching from the pressure. I found it hard to breathe, with each breath of air I consumed there was an intense stiffness in my lungs. My throat felt heavy and full. My eyes stung as they fought to produce tears. But by now I have cried all I physically could and was left to feel this stinging pain as my eyes ran dry. Due to this my lips were left stingingly chapped. And my cheeks caked with evaporating tears. Mascara was plastered beneath the bags under my eyes from no sleep and too much crying, along with my arms. My nose was left the only thing watery and I felt the sinus pressure every time I sniffled it back. Due to this pressure my head began to throb. Sometimes so intensely I didn't want to open my eyes.
I was a mess. I had called Harry the previous day. I was seeing him tomorrow morning. The pressure of what was to come consumed me. I wanted to curl up in ball and fade away out of existence. But I had no choice. This is how our conversation went down:
Harry: "Taylor baby! How are you?"
Me: "Harry... There's... There something I need to say.
Harry: *pauses knowing I'm in pain* "What's wrong babe?"
Me: "I need to talk with you."
Harry: "is there something wrong?"
Me: *i start to cry* Yes.
Harry: "Taylor your not..."
He trailed off I think he was thinking I was breaking up with him. I knew that's what he was thinking.
Me: "Can you just come here as soon as possible?"
Harry: "That important...?"
Me: "Yeah"
Harry: "I'm in L.A... Are you?"
Me: "Yeah"
Harry. "Okay babe, I'll see you tomorrow."
The whole conversation was depressing. I could hear Harry's heart sink. It was probably driving him crazy not knowing what was going on but he didn't ask. I would guess he thought me to be attempting to break up with him. Little did he know he could easily be the one breaking up with me today.
Soon the inevitable came to pass. Harry opened the door to my LA home with hesitation he was just as nervous as I was I guess. When he walked in I rushed into his arms- God knew, it could be my last. Harry held me tight still with much confusion. He saw my tear stained face and ragged look of messy hair and frumpy clothes. He had no idea but I had already been sick. Hence my horrid appearance.
"What the hell happened to you?" He finally asked, deep concern in his tone.
"Harry I've fucked up." I said trying desperately not to cry. He pulled away and looked me in the eyes. My eyes were so puffy and tired. His face looked so sad. Is this how we would always be now?
"We need to talk."
Harry took a seat on the couch next to me. I brought water and some snacks from the kitchen but none of it was touched. I wanted to lessen the blow somehow but I had no idea how to do so. So instead I was forced to cut to the chase.
"I'm so sorry Harry. I never meant for this to happen." I began about to burst. Harry held my hand in his and searched my eyes for the answer I couldn't give.
"Are you breaking up with me?" He asked he looked like he might be on the verge of a breakdown if I indeed said yes. But I didn't.
"Much worse." I whispered. I felt my hand graze my stomach. I felt a sharp pain. It was honestly a gesture out of habit when my stomach aches. In fact I did not even intend to do it. But it spoke more than my attempted words could. I looked at the floor unable to make eye contact, but I could tell Harry's expression drop. He let go of my hand and stood up. He paced a bit then stopped. I think he got it.
"Taylor your not-" he didn't need to finish. My tears did so for him. I saw Harry put his hands in his face. I knew his mind was spinning with every worse case sernario just like mine had. That's of course when I finally burst. I did so in a pathetic sob. I couldn't contain it anymore. I felt waves of sob disrupting my whole body.
"Hey hey.." Harry said and jumped to my to hug me. I did not expect this.
"Don't cry babe. Why are you sobbing? You're alright. We're alright." He tried desperately to comfort me. I stopped for a brief second.
"You're not mad?" I said tears still streaming from my face. Harry brushed one away then grabbed both my hands.
"I understand if you want to dump me." I said. It took everything I had within me to maintain eye contact. I could see his eyes grow watery now too.
He began to shake his head.
"Taylor I love you."
I collapsed into his arms he simply held my head to his chest.
"You're making me upset. Please don't cry. I love you." He said again and again but I couldn't bring myself to stop. I was overwhelmed by his loving reaction and maturity and I hated how I so carelessly ruined both our lives.
// Sorry I haven't updated in over a month!! Hope you enjoy this chapter, please leave comments:)
