Never Truly Living

Chapter 12

The first few days of her son and daughter's lives went by quite nicely for Vesper. She slept when Vera and Oliver slept, fed them when they woke, ate and bathed and tended to her own needs when ever she could. She liked to be near them most of the time, holding them close to her, watching as they moved, breathed, and gurgled. She liked to take them over to the window and show the two of them the city, their eyes staring at the bright lights.
Their umbilical cords began to shrivel after a few days, and were now just desiccated brown stumps. She cleaned them every day, knowing they would fall off soon. They both ate steadily, nursing every few hours, and seemed to be thriving outside the womb.
She gave her doctor a call the day after Vera and Oliver's births, and after assuring the nurses that all three of them were completely healthy, she was given an appointment for the next day. She knew it was important to see a doctor, despite her apparent health.
She had purchased a baby wrap before her children's births, although she wasn't sure how much use she would get out of it, considering that she needed to keep their existences a secret. But she pulled it out of the box nonetheless and was pleased to find they didn't hate it, they both fell asleep after she wrapped them into it with her. She found that she liked it as well, being able to keep her children close and having the use of both her arms.
The two babies slept almost the entire way to the clinic under her thick coat, and the three of them were quickly given a clean bill of health.
The doctor reminded her she would need to register her children within forty-two days of their births. She frowned at this, forgetting about that requirement. She would be making their existences a public record, which meant it would be far to easy for anyone keeping track of her. But, she remembered, M had not contacted her in quite awhile, and Vesper suspected her attention was elsewhere at the time.
So, one day, she climbed on to the bus, her week-old son and daughter snuggled beneath her coat despite the warm weather, and went to register their births at Town Hall. She was annoyed that because she was unmarried, the babies' father would appear absent, meaning that only her name appear would appear on the birth certificates. She hadn't planned to put James's name on them, as it would likely raise some red flags, but she was upset that the option was taken from her.
But when she left the registry office later, her son and daughter's birth certificates clutched in her hand, both babies still sleeping soundly inside her coat, she resolved to the fact that it was probably for the best.

Her children's first two weeks of life went by very uneventfully, and that suited her very well. She was starting to wonder about what all the fuss was about, why so many new parents talked about their lack of sleep. Her children didn't cry much, they would fuss softly when they were hungry or wet, and were both relatively sound sleepers, rarely waking up during the night except to eat.
Her body had recovered well from the births, and was glad to see her stretch marks were less noticeable now. Her body eventually began to feel like her own again. She hadn't encountered any complications, any infections or deficiencies. She knew that she was very lucky that everything had gone so well, but she knew that her young age had a lot to do with it.

But three weeks into her children's lives she got a rude awakening one afternoon, when Vera let out a miserable wail from her cot, quickly shaking Vesper out of sleep and filling her with panic. She picked her daughter up, comforting her loud cries, bouncing her and patting her back. All while trying to keep Oliver from waking up.
It was the worst bout of colic that Vera would experience, and, it turned out, the last she would experience at number fourteen, Henry Court.

It happened one afternoon, the both children finally fell asleep after countless hours of bobbing and rocking, of feeding and soothing words. She had unplugged the telephone the day before as a precaution when they had both fallen into a rare deep sleep, and had completely forgotten to plug it back in, since it rang so little these days.

She was sitting on the floor between both cots, hesitant to move in case either of them woke up again. She was extremely exhausted, having barely slept since this saga started several days ago. It seemed like every time she closed her eyes, a cry woke her, and she could only lift either her son or daughter up, and soothe them.

She leaned back against the bed, her eyes starting to droop, when she heard it. Her eyes snapped open and she looked into each cot, expecting little faces screwed up, ready to cry. But they were both still sleeping peacefully. Then she heard it again, the sound was seemed so foreign to her, it her took a minute to register what it was.
It was a knock at the door, her door, she realised, as a second later she heard it again. This time it was accompanied by a woman's voice calling her name.
She froze, her blood going cold, and her heart hammering in her chest. She recognised the voice, with a spike of panic, realized that the woman was calling her name, her true name.
M was at her door. Vesper struggled to stand up, terror was flooding through her. She somehow managed to make her legs work, and left the bedroom, closing the door behind her softly. She looked around the kitchen for any incriminating evidence of her children's existences, thankfully finding none. She silently tiptoed toward the door. She paused before she opened the door, hoping beyond hope that M would assume Vesper was out and leave. But a second later her hopes were crushed, as M loudly knocked again, calling her name.
"Miss Lynd," she said, "I have a key. I'm coming in." There was then the sound of a key in a lock and Vesper reacted almost without thinking. She jumped forward to open the door, and there stood M, wearing a tan coat over her black suit and looking extremely surprised.
"You're home," she said, looking at Vesper's tired form up and down curiously. "I've been calling you. You didn't answer, I was worried."
"I'm fine," Vesper told her, aware the dark circles under her eyes clearly said otherwise. "I just unplugged the phone to take a nap, and I forgot to plug it back in."
M took this in suspiciously, peering past Vesper into the flat. "I'm sorry I haven't been in touch," M said, putting the key she was holding into her pocket, "there was a bit of a situation, but it's been resolved."
"Is everything okay?" Vesper asked.
"Yes," M replied, obviously knowing who she was asking after. "Are you?"
"I told you," Vesper said, impatience creeping into her voice, "I'm fine. I just...I haven't been sleeping very well." She glanced at the bedroom door surreptitiously and quieted the small rise of alarm when M seemed to notice her impatience.
"Are you sure?" the woman asked, taking a tiny step toward Vesper, and for one terrifying second Vesper thought she was going to force herself in.
"Yes," she said, adamantly, hoping the tone of her voice would convince the other woman.
But she needn't have bothered, as a mere second later it was all over.
Her daughter's unmistakable cry suddenly filled the air, clear and loud, despite the closed bedroom door. M's head snapped toward the sound, then back at Vesper, utterly astonished. Vesper sighed and hurried back to the room, to try and calm Vera down before she woke up Oliver.
Curiosity overcoming her bewilderment, M followed Vesper, closing the door behind her. She headed toward the bedroom, and opened the door tentatively, watching as Vesper lifted her daughter out of her cot. Vesper watched as the older woman glanced around the room in surprise, at the various baby supplies and clothing laying around.
She glanced up from calming her daughter to see M watching her curiously, her hands in her pockets. She was still obviously surprised, but a smirk had crept onto her lips as she watched the two of them. Not until the baby girl's cries began to cease, comforted by her mother's embrace, did she speak.

"How long did you think you'd be able to keep this a secret?" she asked, the amusement in her voice sending a wave of annoyance through Vesper.

"I don't know. As long as I could." she replied hotly. She kissed her daughter 's soft head, and took a glance at Oliver, awake in his cot but quiet. She frowned at the woman. "Can you blame me?"

M smiled humourlessly. "I suppose not." Her eyes strayed between the infant in Vesper's arms, now quiet, and the infant in the cot near Vesper's feet. "Bond wasn't aware?"

Vesper shook her head.

M nodded, seeming to be satisfied. She glanced at the baby in Vesper's arms sympathetically. "Come on," she said, turning to leave the room, "I'll make us some tea."

Vesper put on the baby wrap, laying abandoned on the floor. She placed Vera in the wrap first, then bent over to pick up Oliver and put him in the wrap as well. Then, having no choice, she followed M.