I Love You [Deku as Kokichi AU] 2

[7]Pain in My Mind

Authors note: I have motivation to feed you my children. I hope this satisfies your hunger. (eat today if you're hungry AND DRINK WATER.  coffee and monster energy does not count as water, take care of yourselves silly) Schools back and Physics sucks -_- but on the bright side it's my birthday! horray. anywho!

Izuku Midoriya/Kokichi Ouma POV

Uraraka was sad, obviously. I mean, she had just been rejected by me; her crush! I couldn't imagine anybody seriously liking me in a romantic way but I guess by some miracle it happened, not that I was glad to reject her. I just felt a little bad. 

"Ochaco, I'm really sorry." I spoke softly, placing a hand on the sniffling girls shoulder. 

"Deku-kun, it's ok. I understand and if I got mad at you over this what kind of a best friend would I be right?" She giggled a little, wiping her tears. 

I quickly left to allow her tears to fall without shame. I of all people know how embarrassing it is to cry in front of people. My walked, fast pace nearly a jog. I had a new found confidence that Shumai liked me back. For some strange reason I decided to follow my gut, so I went back into the dorm building. By this time everybody had returned to their rooms doing catch up work or bothering their friends. Though I heard a pair of voices from lounge and I recognised them to be the all too familiar detective and pianist. 

I pressed my back up against the wall, listening into their conversation. Kaedes voice was rather shallow, nervous and dry.

"Shuichi, I just wanted to ask you this, but I know you won't be able to accept it because you already have somebody but I wanted to ask just in case." 

She had to be joking right? She was confessing, I didn't have an issue with that, but it felt like my heart was ripped from my chest when I heard her say that he already had a partner. Somebody that he loves. Somebody that isn't me. I know how selfish and jealous that must sound and that I should be proud and glad that one of my best... pals... has a partner.  Though as I'm walking away I can't shake that feeling, that horrid feeling that everything our relationship had been up until now has been fake. Was I really the liar here? Was I getting ahead of myself? 

Of course I was, there was no way Shuichi Saihara would ever love somebody like me. 

My heart aches. 

As soon as I got to the private area of my room, I cracked.

"No..." I said, to nobody in particular, just to myself. My voice was hollow, like if you dropped a coin down into an empty well, falling. Though as soon as that coin hit the bottom, it hit hard. As did my sadness. 

How pathetic, the 9th holder of One For All sobbing on the floor over a boy. The only thing close to consolation is the ungodly amount of All might posters looking over me as I do so. 

I curl up under the covers, asking myself what I could have done differently, what I could have done to make him love me. Eventually I came to the conclusion that it was never meant to be. 

We were never meant to be.

A lair and a detective? There was no way it was ever going to work,  especially if Shuichi still feels in debt to him. 

Thoughts were running laps around my head like a dog chasing its own tail. I knew it was circular thinking and moping about wouldn't get me anywhere but it was the only thing I knew how to do in this moment. I needed time to dwell, in me. In shuichi. In us. 

I must sound like a total hopeless romantic right now but I really don't mind. I need to get him out of my brain. I know I can't stay like this forever. I need to get over it. 

I left my room with my exercise clothes on and water bottle in hand, ready to get back on track to becoming the number one hero. There was no way anybody was going to stop me. 

I'm out on the grass outside the dorms, kicking using my new found strength, writing notes on how to improve between each set. This wasn't enough, I could still feel it. I could still feel him, his effect on me was intoxicating and I still wasn't sobered up. 

I run. I just left my notebook on the ground, the water bottle was left behind too. I just fist my hands into balls and run, even though it's dark out I keep going. My muscles ached, my joints were seizing up and I knew I was soon going to reach my limit, even though I had only run for a short time, I had been going reasonably fast. My breathing was laborious and uneven. I didn't listen to my body. I didn't listen to myself. I kept going, pushing well past what should have been a safe limit until my legs gave out. I collapsed onto a small dew soaked patch of grass. 

The pain in my body helped me deal with the pain in my mind. 

I felt the slippery grass beneath my fingers begin to soak the front of my shirt and shorts. 

"NERD! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YA'?" I heard Kacchan yelling for me somewhere in the distance. I don't bother responding. I was too tired, I felt like if I tried to speak I would break down again. 

The boy kept yelling for me until I activated my quirk for one second, sending out a small green light. Quickly the rapid footsteps became louder. The bushes rustle in front of me and dusty green sneakers step out into the clearing, it was only until I saw the shoes that I realised how blurry my vision was. Whether I was crying or not already I wasn't sure. 

"Deku..." Kacchan crouched down in front of me, looking at me with what seemed to be concern. 

Word count: 1055

Authors Note: I'M SORRY I LEFT YOU LOT FOR NEARLY A MONTH T-T FORGIVE MEEEEE. anywho- chapter done and another year of life for me done! :) 

Stay safe my little sound waves

-RadioHead <33