His Obsession

Starting Over

Blaze pov

I woke up this morning feeling nice. Last night was amazing to me. I mean that. I want to prove to Red that I have changed. On my grown man shit today. I quietly unwrap my arms from her body, and already felt like my other half was missing. I went to the bathroom, and showered and brush my teeth. I walked out the bathroom, and saw that Red was awake looking lost. She was looking around the room rubbing her eyes. The way she looked it had an innocence about it, but I knew that life changed that, because life took mines too. We locked eyes, and it seemed like forever, but its worth it when your looking at the one you love. I walked over to her, and looked down at her as she was looking up at me. She started to bush, and I was wondering why was that so. I looked down at myself, and I forgot that I was in a towel. I said " My bad". She nodded her head quickly. I went to the closet, and pulled out some boxers, and put them on. I looked threw my closet, and put on some cargos, my polo shirt, and finished it off with my sperrys. I bushed my waves, and thought that I needed a tape up. I bushed the thought aside, and put on my diamond studs, and chain. I put on my Polo, and grab my phone, and told Red that I would be out handling business. She nodded her head, and I kissed her forehead. I grab a poptart, and was on my way out the door. I got my car, and sat thinking. I mean is this really the right thing to do? Did I really make the right decision by taking Red back so easily. I mean what if she leaves again, and take my heart with her. I don't want to go through that again. I start up the car, and made my way to the trap. I need something to get my mind off of things. When I got to the trap shit was looking right. People working, drugs getting cut down and package, niggas looking right today. Ahhh these are the days I live for. I went , and dap up Travis, and sat down making sure shit was kept in order. I felt like I was overthinking things man. I need a blunt. It was like Travis read my mind, because he passed me a freshly rolled one. This is why he my nigga, always there when I need em. I inhale and exhale that shit felt to good. I looked up, and Travis was looking at me. I sighed, and he said " What's on your mind". I inhaled the blunt, and exhale before saying I feel like I'm letting Red back into my life to easy. I mean she lefted me, and I feel like if I let her in again and let my guard down she's going to take my heart again. Travis said " So what your saying is that your scared of falling in love, but what you fail to realize is that's the risk of being in love. You go in with everything you got. Even if your scared of getting hurt you can always say that its worth it IF that person means that much to you. Now I've watch you fuck and duck every and any thing that has a pussy. Am I right? I nod my head yes. " Now let me ask you that make you forget Red or fix the hole that was in your heart". I was getting ready to say something, but Travis than said " And be honest with yourself before you say some dumb shit". I bowed my head in defeat. I knew I didn't forget about her, even if I could. It was like she haunted me every where I went. For five years she stayed in my heart, and my mind, and I knew that all those girls didn't mean nothing to me. I just needed something to full what she lefted open. I stood up, and dap Travis up. I needed to some time to think. Travis asked me " Where I was going". I just said " I'm going somewhere, and I'll be back in a little while". Travis nodded his head in understanding, while I was on my way.

I walked down the streets of downtown Atlanta thinking of everything. I looked to the left and saw crackheads pleading with dealers for there next fix. I shook my head, and thought back to some shit I heard.

Man this ain't life. Shit I won't even wish this on my worst enemies how down here look. I see babymamas fighting other bitches over men that mean no good. Man this city is fucked up.

They say the 60's was crazy, but the 80's was worse

Crack fucked blacks and gave birth to a curse

The moon's bright, the sky's misty

I carried on with my walk, damn down here is really fucked up. Ain't it? That's why I try to do what I can to help out around. Just because I'm a thug don't think that I don't care. I do. I never want these lil kids to grow up how I did. I watched my mother work herself into the ground just to make sure I had what I need or want. She never treated herself. When I turned 16 I started to follow in my father footsteps and started slanging. My mother was disappointed, and the look in her face killed me. She said ,and I quote " I didn't give birth to you just so you can threw away your future by selling drugs, I refuse to raise one of the bad ones when I knew you could be better. Don't you see this is going to kill you, and I refuse to wear black again Blaze. I just can't.". I didn't understand why she was complaining about, it was paying the bills, and I just wanted to take away some of her worry. I signed, and kept on walking.