Lilly & Leclerc ~ [CL 16]

16. French Prince

"My minds made so much noise for so long and it's gone, cause when you kiss me it's quiet" - Quiet, Camila Cabello

Most of Sunday was spent with my heart in my throat. The red flag gave Charles ample time to eyeball me from across the garage even whilst deep in conversation with other people. He had attempted to wink at me three times, each time my cheeks flaming with the action. I'm sure a TV camera caught one of them as I ducked behind one of the mechanics so not to be associated with the action. He had loved it Charles grinning each time he caught me embarrassed just from being so close to him.

Charles's brothers were stood just to the right of me and several times I caught Arthur looking at me with raised eyebrows before pulling faces at his older brother. I considered introducing myself but then had the panic that neither of them knew who I was. Then had the even more terrifying thought that they both know exactly who I am and what's happened between Charles and I. Or rather how I've been treating Charles over the last few weeks.

The atmosphere in the Ferrari garage throughout the race was electric.

Frustration flared amongst half of the engineers at some points and eventually, at the end, excitement. Carlos's win was a cause for celebration and I couldn't help but feel a little emotional watching his dad cheer in pride only a few feet from my spot.

At the podium celebration I cheered for Carlos as he lifted his first (and hopefully not last) P1 trophy over his head before popping his bottle of (apt) Ferrari champagne.

Charles on the other hand, was less pleased. His frustration was once more made very clear and even some of his team began muttering in frustrated Italian to each other. His brothers both shook their heads in annoyance in a way that made my heart sink. It wasn't the celebration that had been earlier when Arthur had stood on the podium with his trophy.

Unfortunately, I had to leave before speaking with Charles himself, his media and team debrief commitments getting in the way of me saying goodbye. I felt awful, especially after the amazing night we spent together on Friday and how defeated he sounded over the radio following the race. Guilt filled me when Lando's friend, Max, announced it was time for the two of us to leave for London just ninety minutes after the race. I couldn't help but feel like I was betraying Charles or letting him down by leaving him behind but the whole thing was out of my control.

The drive back to London was spent with Max (who also had to return for a gig at some fact central London pop up event tomorrow) playing his favourite game. The game where he asks 'would you be my girlfriend if' and lists a minor change he would be willing to make in his life that could result in me agreeing to a date.

The answer is always no; obviously. Because dating my best friends brother's best friend sound beyond complicated. Because I don't date - unless your name is Charles Leclerc...apparently.

In that case I have no ability to say no (or think).

The most entertaining part of the whole 'game' is that Max knows this. He knows the story of Jordan and I, it's something I've explained to him time and time again. But I can't help when he makes a dry comment to return it with something which makes him laugh and say 'see Lill, we're a good match'. When we crept closer to the apartment he let slip that the game didn't even matter anymore, he'd been seeing a girl from Brazil (a friend of a friend), named Bruna. "In that case I'm 110% not dating you." Is all I said before I thanked him for the ride and collected my weekender bag from the back seat.

Max had laughed and said "Who even said I wanted to Lill." As if the previous 90 minutes of back and forth never even happened, before speeding away leaving me at the door to the apartment complex bag in hand.