Lilly & Leclerc ~ [CL 16]

27. Doorways

Apologies in advance for any botched French translations 🤗, I try my best with my own knowledge and translate apps 😅

It was just past seven thirty by the time the three of us pulled ourselves together. We had passed eachother tissues and laughed over how emotional we had became. Maddie whipped out some magical de-puffing eye patches for the three of us which allegedly contained gold and we lay, squished up on my bed with them on our faces humming quiet conversation. The whole thing felt like a strange kind of sleepover, only it wasn't at night.

"So what are you going to do?" Maddie asked tentatively as Amber busied herself plaiting my hair. The question gnawed at me, possibilities were endless. A phone call to Charles is all it would take; the awful thing is I know that if he was able to he'd take the call immediately. And still, the plan seemed too simple. I chewed over my response for minutes answering only with a shrug.

Daniel and a lot of the other drivers may be heading to Texas in preparation for the next race, but Charles isn't. I know he isn't. He had been telling me about dinner with his family only last Saturday - his birthday dinner...in Monaco.

The location was right there, teasing me. The trip feels like too much, too huge of a commitment.

Only it's not because isn't that what I'm trying to show? Commitment? Isn't now, the time where I've messed up the most the time for the biggest gesture?

The added factor of my dream of floating in the Monegasque sea made it feel like it was 'meant to be'. A sign! So when Maddie excused herself to shower and Amber fell into a nap beside me I had logged onto the Air France website and booked the next available flight to Nice.

From the second I confirmed my details nerves had spiked at my skin, prickling as I shoved clothes and the bare minimum of toiletries into a weekend bag. The doubt fuelling voice in my head was just screaming at me that this is a bad idea, that it's the worst thing to do and I should just stay home (with my girls) and call Charles, or even text him. The pull in my chest told me that I was doing the right thing, that I needed to see Charles for myself.

That he at least deserved me in person - even if he decides that the stress of me isn't worth it.

Amber had just beamed at me when I told her to stay at the flat and sleep, explaining my flight itinerary. Maddie had squealed and enveloped me in her damp arms before pushing me out of the front door of the flat locking it safe behind me.

And that was that.

My plane took off by ten and by twelve thirty I was waiting for a transfer from Nice to Monaco. The taxi queue had moved painfully slowly as I explained to my manager how I wouldn't be in today, and probably not Monday either due to a family emergency - they didn't pry or tut at my actions so long as I agreed to take the day unpaid. For Charles it was a small price to pay.

The whole plan was (and remains) insane. The most insane thing I've ever done.

That fact hits me as I'm stood outside Charles's apartment building looking up at the third floor where I know his balcony is situated. Flying to another country on a Friday morning to track down a man isn't something I'd ever think about doing. However, Charles makes me stop thinking. I've known that since our first interaction where he crashed into me a few steps from where I'm now standing. The memory makes my throat feel tight but I refuse to cry anymore today - if it weren't for Maddie's gold-infused eyepatches I'd resemble a frog.

The sun is blinding, I have to shield my eyes even with my sunglasses as I raise my gaze to look for signs of life in the apartment. Even in October! It's no use, I'd never be able to see from this angle. I huff out a slow breath as my finger comes down on the buzzer for 'C. Leclerc'. The button is freezing and makes an echo of a ringing noise buzzing around me before pausing. My fingers are cold. I'm suddenly wishing I'd dressed better for the occasion. In my half dazed rush to pack I'd only thrown on a zip up hoodie for coverage - a decision I'm quickly coming to regret as I wrap the material around me with a brief gust of wind. It's a lot colder than I thought it would be here, although I really didn't give any thought into the weather - the only thing I've thought about it Charles.