Rowyn's Lullaby

Chapter Four: Walking in Memories

"Do you want to stop somewhere before school and get something to eat?" Carter asked as he backed down the drive.

"No, thanks, I'm not hungry." I gave him an inquiring look. He was the third person that day who asked or rather demanded that I eat something.

"You're looking too thin lately. I worry about you like this because I care." He said and kept his gaze straightforward on the road ahead.

'I'll eat when he comes back,' I thought defiantly, but deep inside I knew it could never happen like that. 'My appetite will return when he does.'

"How was the meeting with Tobias last night?" I asked, making a strong effort to change the subject.

His expression changed unwillingly to a euphoric smile. "Great, it was the greatest thing that has happened to us. He said he missed me the entire summer. He said football was getting in the way too much and that he wished his dad would let him quit but college and stuff." He sighed complacently. "After I finished showing off my new tricks, he gathered the nerve, and we kissed."

"Congratulations."

I felt empathy for Carter that moment on the way to school. Carter was in love with someone who was unattainable and so was I. Except, his love's lungs were still functioning and hadn't been ten years his senior. Carter could still move his hands in the dark to find his lover and kiss them without seeing them.

Carter and I continued the day with the secret about what happened the previous night. Tobias never glanced our way. Carter took no offense to it; he was used to being neglected by the one person he loved the most.

Carter and I became friends when he moved here our first year of high school. He was a socially awkward person and had a hard time turning down girls, who were enthralled by his appearance because he had some resemblance to Ralph Macchio. Despite his popularity, he lived in fear of someone finding out his secret. Because of this, he had severe trust issues. He nearly flew across the place when I first told him about Mr. Williams and me.

I told him that Mr. Williams and I had been secretly meeting for almost five months before we were discovered. After I left the office from another interrogation, Carter was waiting outside to walk with me to the parking lot. I told my parents I didn't want them picking me up because it would be too embarrassing. They consented and gave me a last moment of freedom before coming down with the reprimands and punishments.

"I should have known better than to think you and Mr. Williams had a thing going on," he said when we walked outside. "I think I'm wrong now."

"Were we that obvious?" I blurted out.

He shook his head. "I just know my best friend better than anyone else does. I just wish she would have told me about it. You and I tell each other everything."

Carter and I shared everything. We shared food off our tray at lunch. We shared crushes on famous actors and rock stars. We even shared the jersey Tobias Benton left in the back of the bus during sophomore year back when I did think I had a chance with a guy who seemed nice and charming because he had more people around him than the entire school's population.

I shook my head and said in my small and trembling voice, "I tried to tell you we had been meeting up at the walking park in town, but when it came to the sex, I couldn't." I knew that talking about sex was considered taboo even with the closest of friends, not to mention sex with someone that could easily be carted off to prison if the word got around.

"It was already a high risk, us running together." I continued. "What could you have done to fix it now?"

He was silent until we were in his truck. Then, he tried to look over the situation differently so that it would hurt less for both of us. "Since you're the only one he has ever touched, I guess I wasn't aware that he could be a potential sex offender."