Rowyn's Lullaby

Chapter Five: The Passage of Time Holds Me Back

 Autumn arrived suddenly, and the warm summer air vanished to be replaced by the lonely cold. Carter and Arabella were being the best they could be by trying to get my mind off of him. However, under the Friday night lights of the football games, they could not drown out what was taking place inside of my head. Arabella was always snapping pictures and trying to elevate my mood. Carter was there, but his mind was focused on the center fielder.

"What kind of call was that!" He burst out and leapt to his feet.

I jumped, coming out of another one of my daydreams, and nearly spilt the drink beside us.

"Carter, chill out." I hissed in his ear after he sat down. "We're winning anyways." I muttered.

"It's not about winning," he retorted calmly. He leaned in close to whisper in my ear. "I have to look like I'm supporting the team, but both of us know why we're here."

The last of his sentences were drowned out in a roar from the crowd. Just when they finished, I saw a familiar face emerge from the staircase.

Misty Hensley Craig, she was the biggest envy I ever held in my life. She was only twenty when she met her thirty something year old husband through dental school. She was twenty-five by this point and had everything I could have ever dreamed of with an older man: a dream life filled with love and children.

"Hey, cousin!" she said when she spotted me. Her perfectly straight, pearly white teeth beamed from a distance.

"Hey," I said and looked over her happy family.

"How are you and your family? I haven't checked my email or pager today," She said.

"We're doing good. How are you? I heard you're expecting."

Her eyes dilated to take up her forehead. "Did mama tell Aunt Tina? That woman couldn't keep her mouth shut for nothing"

Her voice was always dripping with pure southern charm.

"Yes! Congratulations." I said with a small smile.

"Thank you." Her daughter tugged at her blouse and began to whine. "Well, I think Gracie wants to go sit with her daddy. It was nice seeing you here."

I used to feel empty every time I was around women like her. Her physical appearance seemed to have it all, and she really did. She and her husband never split, and her children were nurtured and well. Their ends met, and they never faced too much crisis. Also, he was significantly older than she was, so it equaled possibilities in my brain.

"You look like someone just told you were a worthless whore," Carter said.

I informed him about my inferior feelings towards other women who had their lives rounded together.

"Wrenn, you can't keep looking at what people are or have. You'll never be satisfied with yourself."

Carter's statement hit me in all the right places. I had to accept that others were more rounded than me, but it did not mean I could not be successful for myself. Others were moving forwards while I was still forcing things in reverse to what I had with Mr. Williams. I had to stop trying to chase an unattainable high.

After the game ended, Carter and I hung outside the locker room pretending to enjoy Arabella's cooing and gushing with her boyfriend. Carter was there for only one reason: to secretly get to see if Tobias would come out alone.

"It's freezing," I muttered to him while I vigorously rubbed my pink hands together.

"I know, but it looks like everyone is almost through." He said and blew out a puff of frigid air.