Your Eyes

You Don't

AKIRA'S POV-
Most times i hate how people make me feel. All of them , they make me feel like i am ugly, dirty , cheap , stupid. Maybe i think they are thinking that but I'm pretty sure they are.
People , They make me feel like my nose is too sharp , my legs are too wide , my arms are too thin , my neck is like a man , my eyes are too big , knees are the worst. But i don't hate myself, i just hate that people hate me it makes me feel cheap , stupid.

But Dev. He's different and i mean that in the worst way possible,
I hate how the way he makes me feel is so hard to feel. It can not be described in words somedays i love him , he makes me the happiest person on earth and other times i feel like he thinks I'm ugly and stupid.
Trust me i don't love the way i look I'm struggling but i hate to hear the truth and a truth that brutal from someone i adore a lot , it Pierces me like a knife at my heart.

My phone vibrates

Dev- "hey"
Akira-"heaya"

Well it's been over 3 months and we text eachother all day we're talking till 4am. I love talking to him but we've not yet reached the call stage i wonder if  we ever will.
Everything thing is a lot different now his friends are my friends my friend is his friend. We're all friends
And this is the bad part , we're FRIENDS
We are definitely Not FRIENDS
I know it i can feel it but as i said he confused me , i don't even know what to feel. So instead i stop myself from feeling anything at all. But i do i feel!

Dev-"why don't you ever smile?"
Akira-"i don't look pretty smiling"
Dev-"well let's be honest , do you ever?"
He joked 3 cock sucking teenagers laughed
I am hurt
It hurted
He saw
He didn't do anything
Instead one more comic commented on my insecurity.
He laughs
No i don't like this smile , this smile hurts me
I am hurt
I am hurt for the rest of the day.

We have a presentation today it's Devs turn
I immediately look at him , he has all my attention i am just looking at him
He smiles
I love it
He smiles at me
I smile back
I look ugly
I stop
He looks away
I looked ugly

Now it's my turn , i am speaking i peak a glance at Dev he's not even looking at me. I look again after few seconds still not looking
Instead he turns back and starts laughing with others. Kunal looks at me he smiles , i smile back dev saw this , he still doesn't bother looking at me.

I am realising something now , Dev doesn't look at me the way i do. My eyes are searching for him in every room I'm in , i always want to know where he is , what he is doing , what is saying it's me . It's never him. He jokes about me , he jokes with me , he only talks to me when we're alone in front of everyone he doesn't look at me. He isn't thinking of my eyes like i do , he isn't trying to make me smile like i do.
I don't like it.

We all make a line we're going back home
I have known my place now these months it's next to Dev, but he already left today with his friends and i am with saya , it wierd this is a wierd feeling.
I walk faster to catch up with him hoping he'll notice me. I can't keep up with him.
He walks alway. I sit at my seat he sits at his seat.
He doesn't even say hi
When we reach at our stop he walks faster than me listening to music , he doesn't even glance at me and goes to his house.
This isn't the first time this has happened it happens often and i always think I'll not text him knowing I'll reply back in a second if he texts me . And he always texts me.
I am disappointed

I remember where i am walking through.
I see his bike.
Oh lord No.

"Not everyone is thinking about you , get over yourself akira! Why do you think everyone cares about you? I didn't fucking notice you! That's why i ignored you is that so hard to fucking understand??"

please Don't make me feel like How they did.