Lean On Me (SEQUEL)

Chapter 12

Athena

I stepped into the Great Hall after weeks had passed, not prepared to face the day. Lately, I had been avoiding populated areas. I ate when I knew nobody was in there, I went to the common room when it was empty, and I sat in the library in the corner where nobody went. I knew I had to face the world eventually, I just didn't want to. I sat down at my usual seat beside Fred. He looked over to me. When he first glanced at me, I saw I glimmer of sadness in his eyes. He soon replaced it with a happy grin on his face. In that second, I knew he was hurting, too. He felt the same defeat I felt. Guilt washed over me as I looked at him. My heart ached for the boy before me. I wanted to wrap him in love like he had done for me. He helped me through my sadness, but I hadn't returned the favour.

"Morning." He smiled and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I fell weak to the contact, letting him pull me closer.

"Good morning," I replied, leaning into his side and resting my head on him.

"Sleep well?" I shrugged.

"I guess. What about you?"

"Not to bad. It would've been better if you had've been with me." He smiled. I had distanced myself since the incident over Christmas. I was hurting, and I didn't want him to feel the need to fix me.

"I bet it would have." I teased, giving him a small smile. I looked up to the table that sat all of my professors. McGonagall looked at me and smiled full of sympathy. I wanted to dig myself a hole and disappear. How did she know? McGonagall was the last person I wanted sympathy from. She was the strongest woman I knew, and I didn't want her seeing me as week.

"How does McGonagall know?" I asked, looking over at my boyfriend. He had no idea what I was talking about. I pointed at her, staring at the two of us. Deep down, I knew she had discovered by the hands of Madame Pomfrey. At the moment, I was too angry to rationalize.

"I have no idea, Athena." Fred said, clearly wanting to avoid an argument. I detached myself from his side, pulling away in haste.

"Did you tell anyone?" I asked him, anger seeping into my words.

"Of course I didn't, Athena. Eat something and get it off your mind. McGonagall knows everything, don't take it so personally." He said. He sounded exhausted. I knew the fighting would put a strain on us, but my emotions were too strong to conceal.

"Don't take it personally?" I asked, shrilly. "This whole situation is personal, Fred. I didn't want anybody to find out. Clearly, it isn't a big deal to you. Why don't you go ahead and tell the whole school?" I asked. Hot tears stung my eyes. I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. It would further my embarrassment.

"Athena, you're being ridiculous. I didn't say anything, and nobody else knows. She might not even be looking at you." He sighed, placing his head in his hand. I stood up in fury.

"Sorry for not wanting to be the schools gossip rag." I said, hastily. "Im sorry I don't want all of my professors looking at me like I'm Rita Skeeters latest article." I spat, turning away. I knew I was being irrational. I wished I could have taken back what I said. I didn't want Fred to think I was angry at him. I was angry at life and the way things always worked out for me. I had gotten pregnant, which was bad enough. When I came to terms with the fact I would be having a baby, it was ripped from my hands. I held myself in guilt at the situation. I believed that it was something I did that made me miscarry.

I stormed out of the great hall and out the front doors. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone, anymore. I was fed up with the way life had been beating me around. I wanted Fred by my side, but by being with him I was making things worse. I let my legs carry me to the lake. I sat on the bench before it like I did so many times before. I remembered last year, when life was easier. I thought about my father, who still refrained from reaching out to me. I thought about Remus, who I wished I had beside me. I wanted someone who understood. The wisdom he held was grand compared to what was in our heads. He knew how to deal with me. The snow on the ground just made me angrier. The lake was frozen. I couldn't see the creatures living inside of it. I liked watching them. They made me think of a simpler life. One where all you had to worry about was swimming in water.

I placed my head on my knees, letting a salty tear roll down my cheek. I sniffled at the cold nipping at my cheeks. I closed my eyes, pulling my robes closer to my body. The Saturday morning was dull. The sun peeked out of the cloud. The end of January was drawing near. I heard footsteps behind me, and I wanted to disappear. I wish I had Harry's invisibility cloak. A body sat beside me. I didn't bother to look up.

"He's hurting too, Athena." George spoke nonchalantly. "I know you are, but he is too. He needs you as much as you need him." I picked my head up and turned it towards him. He draped his arm around me with a sigh. "I love you, but you have to let us in. We're you're people. We always have been. We can't help unless you let us."

"I don't want to deal with it."

"You have to. It's the only way to move on." Silence was thick in the air. We didn't speak for a while.

"I feel guilty, George. I feel like it was my fault." I finally admitted. He didn't have the right words to say. He took a minute to process what I was telling him.

"It was out of your control." He assured me. "You can't be put through anything you can't handle. Obviously, you're dealing with this for a reason. Maybe, one day, you'll need the skills. Maybe it taught you how to grieve." He said, simply. I blinked away another wave of sadness. I knew he had a point. I couldn't blame myself, because I knew it was out of my control. I also couldn't blame Fred. He was dealing with this just as much as I was. "You should talk to him. He's feeling pretty beaten down." He added at the end.

"I don't know what to say." There was honesty laced in my words. "I feel like every time I try, I mess it up." He rubbed my back.

"He's used to you by now, mate." We had to laugh. It felt nice. "Seriously, though. It doesn't matter if you mess it up. Saying something is better than not trying." George was my voice of reason. I knew he was right, but things just seemed too hard. "I don't think there's anything you could say that would drive him away. It's the silence, Athena. He hates silence. He hates not knowing."

"I don't know, either, Georgie." I said softly.

"I know, love. He's scared you're going to leave. He thinks if you're having no problem shutting him out, then you'll have no problem leaving him." He looked over. His resemblance to my boyfriend was striking, but they were so different. When I looked at George I saw a brother. When I looked at Fred, I fell in love. They were similar to everyone who didn't know them as well as I did. They came off as two halves of a whole. To me, they were so different in so many ways. "You have to decide what you want. I'm not telling you what to do, but he can't wait forever."

**

When I caught sight of Fred, I didn't speak. I pulled him into an embrace full of emotion. By the time I went back inside, I was shivering. George had left me not long after he joined. He let me think about what he had said. I stayed outside until I was too cold to sit any longer. When I came back inside, I went straight to his room. He was sitting alone on his bed, tossing a ball in the air. When he saw me, he was weary. He thought I was going to yell again. Instead, I urged him to stand. We held the embrace for minutes, too scared to let go.

"I've been unfair to you, Freddie." I whispered. I let my fingertips dance in his hair. "You're grieving, too. I didn't know how to deal with it." He didn't respond for a moment.

"I just don't want you to decide this isn't what you want." He muttered. His face was pressed against the top of my head. Mine was buried in his chest.

"Never." I assured him. "We're in this together." I promised. He didn't let me go. Instead, he held me tighter. "I was selfish in a time where there was no room for it."

"We both made mistakes. I should have pushed you to talk, to let me in." He added.

"We can grow from this. It'll just make us stronger." He agreed with my statement. "I love you."

"I love you." He responded. When we broke, he kissed me. It was the first time we had done so in days. I had pushed him so far away the romance had died. We were just two people under a label, rather than in a relationship. I replied, enthusiastically. I didn't want to lose Fred. George's words sounded deep in my mind. The silence would break us, not the words. When we parted, I let my forehead rest on his. He was bent down, hovering over me. He was much taller than I was, making the stance uncomfortable on his part. He didn't care.

"Forever." He promised.

"Forever."