I Knew Her As August

twenty-two: just a crush, crush, crushed

Copenhagen hadn't come home in two days. Tulip was too mad to leave her room or even talk to Nicki, so that meant the princess had the grounds to herself. Frankly, she didn't know if she preferred it that way or not.

She'd tried to message Wyatt and even Conrad but heard nothing back. Guess everyone is busy, Nicki thought to herself with a growing pain in the pit of her stomach. The silence began to close in on her so she returned to her old solstice and the familiar safety of her room after creeping around the quiet halls no longer kept her mind occupied.

It felt like she hadn't slept in years and the soft smell of lavender in her pillows drifted her off into a smooth state of ease the second she touched them. She allowed her body to sink into the nothingness of sleep, welcoming it with needing and tired arms. But nothingness never came and her mind began to spin its own stories behind her closed eyelids.

She was standing on the ledge of the lookout point Copenhagen had taken them up to on the mountain. Instead of a golden and uplifting sunrise, the sky was pitch black. Nicki assumed it was night time but she couldn't see any stars. Her attention was brought down the mountain until her gaze rested on Salt Lake City, which was completely engulfed in orange flames.

She felt herself gasp and her lungs filled with smoke. She choked and struggled for air, falling to her knees on the rough red rocks. She reached out to the valley beneath her, but she couldn't help them anymore than they could help her.

She felt something move past her and saw a pair of worn-down sneakers approach her, pausing by her side. The person bent down and grabbed Nicki's shoulders, tugging them until she was upright. She shrieked in a breath of air that electrocuted her entire body.

Two hands cupped her face and turned it toward them. A somber Gus looked back at her, the flames reflecting in his lifeless eyes.

"Gus. What's happening?" Nicki didn't recognize her own voice. Gus blinked at her like he hadn't heard her speak. His lips slowly slid apart until black ink oozed out of his mouth. It dripped down the front of his shirt and splattered on Nicki's bare feet. His cheeks curled up in a horrible smile.

"Welcome to the real world, princess."

Nicki grabbed at her chest as she sprung up in bed and fought for her lungs to find air. She was drenched in sweat and her back was covered in rising goosebumps. She couldn't get the image of Gus out of her head or the sound of the black liquid hitting her feet.

She put her head between her legs until her heart rate returned to normal. She told herself she'd feel better after a warm bath.

Her bathroom was across from her bedroom and she didn't see the need to close the door since there was no one home to find her. She undressed while the tap filled up the tub with steaming water. She took a second to spin in front of the mirror and look at her naked body. She ran her fingertips along her hips and up her stomach with a delicate attention.

She remembered how Wyatt's touch felt against her skin, and how Conrad's tongue had felt even better. She shook her head until her thoughts had cleared and her reflection was no longer appealing.

Stepping into the tub with caution, she let herself sink until the water was up to her ears. The suds, bubbles, and scents of fresh flowers eased her body and softened her skin, but her mind still felt sharpened to a point. The quiet rippling of the water wasn't distracting enough to change her state of mind.

She dunked her head underwater; the droning silence turning into a dull hum of her skull filling up with soap. It felt better to be under the water, like she could disappear and forget what was just above the surface waiting for her.