I Knew Her As August

nineteen: skinny jeans

The drive back down the mountain was a blur of dirt, leaves, and unwarranted sunlight. Copenhagen and Conrad chirped whimsically in the front seat, admiring the ring and making outlandish daydreams about their soon-to-be wedding. Nicki didn't say a word, she just watched the world fly past her with her knees tucked into her t-shirt.

There wasn't a peep from the backseat until they pulled into the alleyway and slid into the backyard of their house. They couldn't remember it raining last night but the yard was soaked, again.

"Take it slow, wings. I don't want you fucking up my yard," Gus grumbled. Nicki guessed that he was more concerned about his car getting muddy than the grass being torn apart even more. Copenhagen pulled in with grace though, his grin never faltering.

Conrad lingered in the backyard, still fueling her fantasies. Nicki couldn't wait to get inside and away from their tangible happiness.

"Is it cool if I take a shower?" Nicki asked Gus once they were safely inside. Camel pounced up on them, very upset from the events the night before. Gus scratched her ears and let her nip at his fingers.

"Be my guest. Do you want another shirt?" Gus asked without looking at Nicki.

"No, that's okay. I could use some pants, though," Nicki said, pulling the hem of her t-shirt down anxiously.

"I'll see what I can do." He offered her a meek smile, but it didn't meet his eyes. There was an undeniable dark cloud that hung over them but neither one was going to bring it up.

Nicki shuffled into the bathroom and was glad to shut the door and finally be alone. Her reflection startled her, like a ghost had sprung from the walls. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and her cheekbones were sharp enough to cut her fingertips. She looked like she had spent the night on a rooftop and the morning on a windy cliff's edge. Taking a defeated sigh, she undressed and turned on the shower head.

The hot water felt nice on her skin and gave her a recharge of life, as if all her worries were being washed down the drain and out of her head. The temporary tattoo still glistened on her skin and sparked her memory of the last time she had been in this bathroom. She felt herself tremble as she remembered Conrad's tongue twisting and curling against her in a torturous pattern.

No! her thoughts shouted at her. What happened doesn't mean anything! It was nothing! You mean nothing to her!

Nicki shut off the water and let her own fantasies of ripping off Conrad's clothes and sinking into her flesh wash down the drain and disappear.

Slipping the t-shirt back on, Nicki tried to scrub away the black ink on her thigh but it was set in her skin.

"Temporary my ass," Nicki muttered under her breath.

She heard a knock at the door once she had finished brushing out her tangled, wet hair. She peeked around the corner and was relieved to see it was only Gus.

"I found these jeans for you that should fit. Here's some shoes, too." Gus handed them to her through the thin crack in the doorway. Nicki knew that he had seen her with far less clothing on but now she felt the need to shy away and hide herself, Gus acting the same.

"Thanks," Nicki whispered. "Um, Gus?" she asked before he could walk away. He stood in place, waiting for her to speak. Nicki wasn't sure how to phrase her question.

"Do you think...are Conrad and — and Copenhagen...really getting married?" Nicki faded off. Gus and she shared a look that proved neither of them could really process what had happened up on the mountain.

"You tell me, princess," Gus shrugged. His tone was snarky, but Nicki wasn't offended. This wasn't a problem or concern for a human like him.

Nicki slipped into the blue skinny jeans and sneakers that Gus had given her and was surprised that they fit. It wasn't glamorous or sexy but Nicki was too tired to try and fix herself. At least the jeans covered up the tattoo that she wanted to forget.