I Knew Her As August

twenty-seven: the fallen angel

She was dead. She was sure she was dead. But, then why did she still feel pain?

Her body felt cold and lifeless, blood was no longer pumping through her veins to keep her warm. All she could hear was her dimming heartbeat thudding against her caved in chest.

Why am I not dead? I want to be dead. If this is death, then it fucking blows. Nicki heard herself think. She wanted herself to go away and let it all slip away. She wanted to be nothing.

A slow creak sounded across the room, a sliver of light growing along the floor. A silhouette filled the light and grew as it came further into the dark room. Nicki's mind didn't spark an interest; she didn't care about anything.

The room fell silent again and Nicki counted her weak breaths. Maybe if she just stopped breathing then she could finally rest. The intruder seemed to disagree and placed two warm fingers along her neck to check for a pulse. There was a sigh of relief as her heartbeat continued to fight — a slow and distant murmur, but still loud enough to be heard.

Nicki felt her limp body being lifted off the hard metallic ground, any stray droplets finding their way with gravity to the cold floor. She could feel herself being carried somewhere else but didn't open her eyes. She didn't want to see where she could possibly be going.

Maybe this was all a dream. Or she just needed someone to personally escort her into hell. Either way, she let herself drift into a state without thoughts or any sense of awareness.

She didn't resurface until she was carried out of the never-ending darkness and up into the everlasting sunlight. Nicki felt a breeze on her face that filled her sunken lungs. The air was salty and stung at her wounds, but she remained still and silent, letting the world move her life for her.

"Look, the sun is coming up," a voice whispered against her ear softly. Nicki didn't know which way was up, but she tried to force her eyelids to open.

She had almost forgotten there were colors other than red. The sky was a soft lilac with puffy pink clouds that hung just above their heads. Nicki could see the purple mountains and the emerald trees; she swore she would never see them again. The sunlight made its way over the mountaintop and poured down on the valley. The comforting yellow glow found its way into the moss green eyes that watched Nicki. There was a softness in the reflected light that she wasn't familiar with. No one had looked at her that way before.

"Jex..." It was more of a wheeze than an actual word but Nicki was surprised she was still coherent enough to recognize his face. Or maybe this really was a dream. An odd dream of Jex and one last sunrise. Her eyes gave way and sealed themselves shut again, her body going limp in his arms.

The morning wind kept her from falling into unconsciousness, but she stayed just below the surface. Her mind was blurred with colors and sounds that surrounded her detached soul and tried to find their way in.

"What happened...is she..." Nicki could hear a voice but couldn't connect her ears to her brain to understand what they were saying. It was like she was underwater.

"She's alive. I got her to stabilize but she lost a lot of blood," Jex's voice boomed in his chest and hit Nicki's ear. It made her head spin and she felt nauseous, making her cling to Jex.

"Nicki? Nicki, can you hear me?" the other voice was clearer and connected the link in Nicki's brain for her to recognize it was Gus. She tried to call out to him but it came out as a dull drone.

"She needs a blood transfusion if she's going to make it," Jex said urgently. Nicki heard Gus's feet shuffle.

"Where....where are her wings?" Gus's voice was hollow. Nicki felt Jex tighten his hold on her.

"We don't have time for this. She doesn't have time. She needs blood and she needs it now. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Jex practically screamed, his voice full of urgency.

"Right, right. Put her in the backseat, I'll take her," Gus's voice trailed off and was followed by the low hum of an engine.

Nicki fluttered her eyes as she felt Jex move and release her from the safe house of his chest. She caught a glimpse of his face, just a blur of ink and dark curls.

"Jex...," Nicki tried to speak again, reaching out to him with her crimson stained fingertips. Jex circled his palms around her hand and steadied its shaking.

"You're safe now." He whispered to her, kissing her fingertips lightly, his warmth spreading to her cold veins. She tried to inhale his scent and let it breathe new life into her, like the sun hitting the pedal of a sleeping flower and making it bloom.

"I'm sorry, Nicki," Jex murmured, his voice breaking. He let go of her hand and disappeared from her view. She heard him slap his hand on the roof of the car, two rapid thuds to signal it was time to leave. Gus stepped on the gas and skidded down the street, leaving a blood-covered Jex standing on the side of the road in a cloud of exhaust.

Nicki could feel herself slipping again as the vibration of the road rocked her. She desperately fought to keep her eyes open to see where they were going.

"Gus...," Nicki cried, trying to find his face.

"I'm here, Nicki," he called out, reaching back and grabbing her hand as he drove. He squeezed her knuckles and Nicki finally exhaled, knowing she was safe. A tear rolled over her cheek but she let it fall onto the carpeted floor of the car.

"Sorry about your shirt," Nicki muttered, holding on to his hand with all her might. She saw his eyes in the rearview mirror, matching the same warmth as the sunlight ahead of them.

"Oh, Nicki..,." he whispered. Nicki drifted off again but wasn't afraid of the darkness.