Romanogers daughter POV (Toddler)

8

S1EP8

October, New York, Dept. of Children and Family Services (Sunday) 

*Scared, confused, and upset, you run out the door and bolt down the hall, hoping to find a familiar face. Instead, you're met with an older woman at a large, intimidating desk.*

W: Why hello, little one! You're awake! What're you doing out here? 

Y/n: *on the verge of tears* Where's Nat?!

W: Excuse me?

Y/n: Miss N'Tasha! She has red hair and smells good! And Steve! He's tall wif big eyes and hair on his face-!

W: *sullen* Oh…you mean the couple…Yes, I see. Well, Sweetie… *She comes out from behind the desk and makes her way over to a bench. She pats the spot next to her, just like Nat did at the park. You toddle over; she picks you up and sets you beside her. This woman smells good too, but a different kind of good. She reminds you of Mother Goose or a Sunday School Grandma. She smells like she would bake the best cookies and give you extras to take home.*

W: *sweet* My name is Dorothy, but everyone calls me Ms. Dot. What's your name?

Y/n:...Y/n.

D: Do you know where you are, Y/n? *You shake your head, avoiding eye contact.*

D: You're at the Department of Children and Family Services…it's a special home for children who have lost their parents and are getting help to find new homes and families. 

Y/n: *in denial* But my special home is wif Nat and Steve. They found me.  *Dot is struggling with how to break it to you that Nat and Steve brought you here themselves.*

D: Y/n, they thought it would be better if you stayed here for a while. You'll have plenty of friends to make! There's a playground outside and we have games every Friday-

Y/n: No! No, they brought me home to stay! 

D: Y/n, I'm sorry-

Y/n: NO! They're coming back for me! *You hop down from the bench and take off to your room. You jump back in the bed and pull the covers over your head, hoping this was all a bad dream. A few moments later, you hear Dot knock and enter the room, her heels clacking softly.*

D: *tender, sympathetic* Here soon, it'll be lunch time. I'll bring you a little something in case you get hungry…Let me know how I can help you, ok, Sweetie? *She gently closes the door. You listen as the sound of her heels fades away. You reach for your blanket and bring it close to you. You catch a faint whiff of Steve's cologne. It still smells like him from last night when he held you. You finally burst into tears, hugging the blanket as tight as you can.*

(THE NEXT MORNING)

*Sunbeams shine through the window of Nat and Steve's room, giving it a dreamlike glow. However, neither of them had such pleasant dreams… or even sleep for that matter. They tossed and turned all night, pondering how to go about the inevitable conversation of "why". Steve lays with his hands behind his head, facing the ceiling. Nat's turned away from him, knees slightly bent, hand under her cheek. The silence is deafening.*

N: *barely above a whisper, distant* She didn't belong here…She deserves something normal.  *Steve listens and tries his best to understand her reasoning.*

S: *slow, calm, matter of factly* 2 days ago, Y/n lost her mother. Not even a few hours later, you found her and gave her what she needed in that moment. You made her feel safe and loved. No matter what you think, I know what I saw.  And I saw a little girl, who's whole world had been taken from her, light up around you. *turns to her* She adored you, Natasha… She was growing on me. And if I didn't know any better, I would say you wanted her to stay too- *Nat shoots out of bed and leaves the room in one swift motion. Steve can feel the tension. He lets out an exasperated sigh, running his hands through his hair and down his face. It had to be said. Nat makes a beeline toward the kitchen. Tony happens to be there, making lunch for Morgan to take back to her play area.*

T: Uh oh, the Crimson Assassin has risen from her cave. *She ignores him and grabs a beer from the fridge.*

T: See, now I've tried the whole "day drunk" thing, and it ain't worth it. *She cracks it open with a quick slam to the counter, paying Tony no mind. He tries to change the subject.*

T: Hey, where's the kid? I bet her and Morgan would have a blast. 

N: *takes a sip, leaning against the counter, facing away* She's gone…Took her to the Department of Children and Family Services yesterday. *She takes another swig, leaving Tony in slight awe and suspicion.*

T: Can I ask why? 

N: *cold* Are you serious? She needs a home with parents who are normal and capable. This is no place for a child. She couldn't have stayed. *Tony lets out a sarcastic scoff in disbelief, taking the bottle from her hand.*

T: And *holding up the beer* this isn't going to help. C'mon, what the hell is going on here, Nat? Out of everyone, I always thought you were the most sensible…What happened?

N: I told you-

T: Yeah, yeah, she needed something with normalcy- I heard you. But I don't think you mean it. 

N: Excuse me?

T: Look, I'm just gonna say it. I know how much you wanted kids. *Nat winces and turns away as if those words physically hurt her.* Ever since Morgan's been tiny, you've been her favorite aunt. Just saying…I've seen you, Nat. And I can't imagine it being easy for you. *As he's saying this, Nat finally looks up, tears starting to form.* But you had an opportunity. You finally had a chance to be a mom! Why didn't you take it?

N: *takes a shaky breath* Because I can't, Tony. *She advances towards him slowly,  lowering her voice.* You know what they did to me…I have no maternal instinct. The very thing that was supposed to give me any sort of motherly sense was taken from me. Even if I did keep her, I wouldn't be the mother she needed me to be. And she deserves so much better than that. *After a short pause, Tony responds.*

T: *arms crossed, leaning against the counter* How do you know? 

N: Because I-

T: No, how do you know that you aren't exactly what she needs? How do you know you would "ruin her life" or whatever kind of bullshit you're trying to throw around here? *Nat's silent.* Exactly! You DON'T know! So why are you throwing away this chance to make things better for yourself? And for Y/n! Quit second guessing yourself, get your ass in gear, and go heat up the car because you're getting her back. *Natasha's absorbing every word.*

N: *quiet, questioning* How did you know?

T: Hm?

N: *slow* How did you know you were ready…? And capable?

T: Well. *exhale* Thing is…I didn't know. You know how I was back then; I drank like there was no tomorrow, I flirted relentlessly, and I just wasn't responsible enough to handle myself, let alone a kid. But then Pepper showed me when that stick turned blue and…everything changed. I don't exactly know how, but I changed. Honestly, there's no way of truly knowing if you're ready or not. It's just a leap of faith…into a gigantic pool of baby-proofing and picky eating. *Nat lets a small smile out, making Tony heartily grin.* The number one thing you can do is trust your gut…What's your heart telling you to do? 

N: …I wanna be a mom.

T: *smiling, pause* Then go get your baby girl. She needs you.