Miss, Do I Know You?

34 - Saturday, March 6

Parting ways with the bed was never an easy feat. But with tens of dainty kisses on my arm and that warmth in my chest that summoned my consciousness, it became even more so. Flipping over, I beheld her in all her morning glory, with her sleepy eyes and messy hair, propped up on her elbows.

An instinctive smile took over my lips, but when it only received an apologetic one in return, I couldn't keep that familiar tinge of sadness from seeping in. "I know," I murmured. "I'll go in a minute."

Alex buried her face in my chest and groaned. "I'm sorry," she whined, her voice muffled by my skin. "But Benji needs to be up, and Gabi will be here any minute."

Desperate for a way to extend our stolen moments, I pulled her closer to me, as if by sheer proximity I could hold back time. "Maybe we should just tell her? I want to stay here, with you."

"We've talked about this." Alex shook her head and sighed, remnants of sleep lending her voice a roughened timbre. "She knows the risks more than anyone else. But stay for breakfast. I don't want to make you feel like I'm throwing you out."

My fingertips traced from the nape of her neck down the curve of her spine. But settled on her hip when Alex straddled me. "Okay."

She gazed down at me, smiling. "Okay."

With reverence, I savored every aspect of her as though it were my first and last time looking. The strange dynamic between us had left me at a loss for a long time, but one certainty remained—I could never get enough of her. And I constantly had questions. If not bound by work, band practice, or gigs, I spent most of my time with her and her family. The four of us were as tight-knit as ever. The strange thing was that, when night fell, I always ended up in bed with her.

We couldn't stay away from each other. I couldn't keep her out of my mind. She was always there, front and center as my one prominent thought, radiant and undeniable like the sun in the sky that takes over the day and then promises to set at night, reigning so supreme that I forgot even the taste of a cigarette or how to do homework. I forgot how to sleep when she wasn't there. And the next dawn, I would find myself stealthily slipping away before the sun could announce my presence.

It was like some covert affair, known only to us, but also a source of immense joy. She was my closest person. The conversations we shared in the still of night, particularly after physical intimacy, were a highlight of my days. And though it was obvious that I held feelings for her, the dynamics of our situationship remained a tangled mess, simultaneously thrilling and confusing. Sunlit hours witnessed me around her family, even fetching Benji from school when she had late workdays or other obligations, and the nocturnal hours witnessed me wrapped in her arms and between her legs. But the fragility and complexity of it all was shaky ground.

For three weeks, it had been just casual sex, nothing more. And yet, it felt like so much more. It was a lukewarm contradiction, both a new lover's first touch, electric and hot, and the comfort and familiarity of an old friend's embrace. And something much stranger at the stroke of eleven-thirty every day. At school, we were mere strangers. I could still feel the warmth of her skin every time I glanced in her direction, still remember the way her body had curved against mine that very morning, and could feel my heart break every time she caught my gaze and had to act as someone who meant so much less.

Even with the fact that we'd known each other since childhood, the reality was that anything beyond friendship between us was not only unacceptable but also against the rules. Alex was a paragon of professionalism and never did anything that would suggest something between us other than years of friendship which people already knew about, and the last thing I wanted to do was ruin her reputation, so the topic of school had become a forbidden one between us, some mirage we wished away into oblivion.