The Whispers of Shadows - A&A One Shots

late night talking

Grief came in strange waves. Aurora lived a happy life with her mate and family, yet memories of her long past snuck in at the worst times. She didn't remember her mother, yet she ached for that sense of love and security when watching Nyx grow up with parents who loved him.

It wasn't only the longing for motherly love, but the memories of the lives she had taken suffocated her in the night. It wasn't only the nightmares of the males who had taken everything from her, but the screaming and begging of those she had killed. Aurora didn't think of them often; she chose to forget the sounds of them. It haunted her every now and then.

She could be laying in bed with Azriel and hear the whisper of her brother's pleas for help, or the sound of her former husband as he was carved by her dagger. Normally, Aurora just cringed and pushed the thought away, but lately, it had been suffocating her. Laying awake in her bed, Azriel's arm around her waist, she craved silence in her mind.

She didn't understand how a death at her own hand could cause grief and pain, especially when that death served revenge. Aurora had no reason to hold the sense of regret and grief when it came to them, but she did.

Her throat grew tight and Aurora turned her head to the side, blinking tears at the moonlight that flowed through the curtains. The bed was too hot, even with the sheer nightgown and lack of blanket over her. Aurora felt a hiccup building and chose to slide from Azriel's grip. She didn't want to wake him but it was the last thing on her mind as she stumbled through the bedroom and to the stairs.

Aurora gasped for air, her feet nearly flying out from beneath her as she descended to the main floor of their townhome. Her mind craved silence, chest begged for breath. Her nails dug into the fabric of her sleeping gown as she hurried to the kitchen. Panic bubbled in every vein, agony clawing up her throat.

A sob ripped from Aurora's throat while her hands fumbled for a glass. She turned on the tap and filled the glass with cool water, but when she began to chug it, her mind screamed that it wasn't enough. Why did their voices haunt her?

It was Lucien's voice that flooded her mind now. His words of her status in the Night Court echoed as Aurora fell to her knees and ripped open the cabinet that held the dry whiskeys and wines. One drink always soothed these attacks but this one felt like the worst one. Flashes of Azriel's sword pressed through Lucien clouded her mind as the taste of whiskey flooded her tongue. Aurora squeezed her eyes shut as she drank, begging her thoughts to release her from their hold.

"Please," Aurora croaked, turning and pressing her back into the cabinets; her knees tucked to her chest and the bottle shaking in her hand. The relief of Lucien disappearing from her mind was brief. Cormac appeared next. Aurora gagged, choking on horror and tears as her mind ran through every daunting moment she spent carving his body. Did he deserve it? He had a mate back home.

There was so much blood on her hands, and what did it serve? Revenge? Rage? Was all that death necessary? Aurora felt the burn of the whiskey king before she realized she was drinking it again. It didn't so much as take away the thoughts, but replaced them with the memory of Aldric choking on his own boiling blood.

"Fuck," Aurora whispered through her teeth, lowering her forehead to rest on her knees. She could feel the trembling in her entire body, the whiskey moving in fast waves in the bottle.

During her rage, it felt so good to end their lives. Now... Now it was a burden that tore at her morals. Aurora couldn't fathom the thought of what she had done. Even to the people that she had joined in torturing with Azriel.

She let her head fall back against the cabinet, now spinning with the alcohol and devastation. She wondered if the death ever got to Azriel, if he ever felt guilt for the lives he had taken. He had done far more damage than Aurora had, yet she still felt like more of a monster than he ever could be.