I am Bae Haejin - Stray Kids 9th Member (Not Updating)

I AM NOT alone

Haejin's POV:

"she is still a minor in the industry and hoped that this will not happen to any other members in the future of their career." 

The screen of my phone turns black like the sky outside of my room. I should stop reading that article. 

But what if I did ruin my member's career? I knew I shouldn't have said that to Jaechu!

Flashback:

Jaechu sent Yeji crumbling to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Anger mixed with helplessness swelled up in her eyes as she shielded herself from another incoming punch. The twisted smirk on Jaechu's face was enough to show that she won. 

At least she thought so.

I place myself between her and the door. My heart pumped in my chest as I debated whether this is a stupid choice or not. I still can't remember how I'd managed to speak to her.

Maybe it was because of anger? Because she hurt my friends?

But I remembered that punch damn well. Sometimes I still find myself touching the part of my cheeks that was tormented by her fists. Long sharp nails scraping into my skin.

'I suggest you move to Park Jaechu. Maybe if you swallowed all that makeup on your face and stopped looking like a dumb slut you might look prettier on the inside. I think Yeji is much more beautiful than you!'

I don't regret a single word. 

Present

The lights in my room flickered on and I see a faint silhouette of Chan at the door. He approached me silently, eyes scanning the nightmare of a room he's set foot into. 

It has been a week, and I still haven't changed into proper clothes. My flower crown wilted on the floor while the memories of the fan sign only grew. Everything felt like a mess after the attack and traces of purple were still evident on my forearm. The makeup from the previous event was caked all over my pillow.

'Haejin?' I felt someone tap my shoulders and realised that I must've zoned out. Again. Chan has left a glass of water and a bowl of soup on my bedside table. I sighed and brought myself to meet his pleading eyes.

'Please, just eat something this time. I can't bare seeing you starve yourself like this.' He paused to collect himself. 'I know I haven't been protecting you like the best leader but I'll try my best to fix everything.' he continues, a few tears slipping past the efforts of trying not to cry.

I reluctantly picked up the bowl and proceeded to take a sip. The steaming liquid warmed up my throat and body almost comfortably. 

Damn, this is good Chan, you've improved a lot since nearly setting off the fire alarm! I thought

After a good minute, I placed the bowl back down and took another look at him. He handed me the glass and took a few sips to refresh my pallet. 

It felt good, to have food again. 

But what feels even better is to be looked after by someone who cares about you more than himself. 

Oh god calm down Haejin, everyone knows your leader is a such fine person but it doesn't mean you need to simp after him too. I chuckled at the thought, earning a weird look from Chan.

'What's funny?' he gazed at me, expecting an answer to my sudden laughter.

'Nothing much oppa, I was just thinking about how lucky your future partner is gonna be.' I giggled as he scoffed, trying to cover his now blushing face.

Our laughter soon died down as he looked at me, the warmth and kindness in his eyes worthy of replacing a thousand candles. His face wore the same solemn when I first met him. 

It was a good kind of serious.

Like the kind that bares all the responsibility and duties.

Like he knows what he's out there for.

Like he knows who exactly he wants to be.

But I don't.

We stayed like that for another few minutes before a seemingly cold "gust of wind" blew out the flame in his eyes.

'Haejin I'm sorry.' he blurted out suddenly. I was lowkey disappointed by him, as caring as he can be this man surely knows how to ruin a moment.

'Don't be.' I said as his head hung.

'But I failed to protect you, just like I did in the survival show.' he mutters softly, his voice cracking more and more by the second.

'Look at me now, so weak and vulnerable. Crying in front of the maknae-no offence to you of course!' he rambles, as he started gasping. 'I just feel like I'm not doing enough like this group is going to fall apart because of me! God, I'm venting on you right now am I? Yes, I am, I'm so sorry you really shouldn't be hearing this I'm going to make you worry more and-'

I tackled him into a hug before he could finish spitting out all that nonsense. The pace of his breathing which started fast was now being absorbed by the tranquillity. 

'Chan oppa.' he made eye contact with me before finding interest in the open window. 

'You are the most amazing and caring person I've ever met. Your hard work and presence are like the heartbeat of this group and I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that you're the best leader anyone could ever ask for. I'm not going to change my mind anytime soon. Just know that we are here for you, just like you're always here for us.' I finished as he squeezed me tighter.

Finally, he brought himself to look at me, his eyes glimmering under the moonlight.

'Thank you Haejin, now I know that I am not alone.' the smile on his face now reflects mine.

'But sometimes I truly wonder who I am?'

'I'm sure the answer is here.' I whispered, before placing his hand on his heart.