Losing is Winning

Chapter 8

Tobio arrived first on the hill, no sign of Hinata. Did he lie? With a shake of his head, Tobio tried to get rid of the intrusive thought. Hinata wouldn't do something like that.

With a sigh, he sat down on one of the swings and slowly pushed himself back and forth. It didn't take long for him to lose himself in the steady rustling of the leaves, and the moving shadows on the grass. They were hypnotizing enough to distract Tobio from his sweating palms.

"I'm here. What do you want to talk about?"

Startled, Tobio nearly jumped up from the swing. Collecting his thoughts, he stood up properly and turned to Hinata. There was a band-aid on his chin, matching Tobio's own. He swallowed. The air felt tense between them, Hinata's face stony with a steady look in his eyes. That's not how Tobio had envisioned this to start.

Even with the sun right there, the summer breeze blowing felt cold.

He swallowed a second time and shifted his weight from one leg to the other. "I... I talked to Oikawa. And to Sugawara. Because... because of this." He gestured between them.

Hinata didn't bat an eye.

"And I think we need to talk about things." He inhaled deeply. "I... I don't want this to go on like this." Saying this out loud felt exposing; Tobio couldn't help it when his gaze lowered to the grass beneath their feet.

"And how do you plan to change something about"—this time, Hinata was the one gesturing between them—"this?"

"I'm not sure," he murmured slowly. His eyes flickered back up. It was such a weird situation, standing under Hinata's scrutinizing gaze. When had those warm brown eyes ever looked so cold? Thousand bugs were crawling over Tobio's skin, and it wasn't right. He had never felt like this with Hinata; not this judged, this unwanted. His fingers picked at the hem of his t-shirt. The relentless stare made it impossible to gauge whether he was saying the right thing.

He liked to think that he had gotten better at knowing what people were thinking—or at least at knowing what Hinata was thinking—but right now he felt like he was fumbling through pitch black darkness.

It was... intimidating.

Tobio bit down on the inside of his cheek. Get it together, he told himself.

"Sugawara-san told me that we should try your idea, and Oikawa said that if we actually managed to pull that off, it would be a great attack," he explained. "But I thought about what you told me, that you don't want to depend on me, and I know that this isn't how you should be thinking. It shouldn't be the end goal to be able to play on your own. You told me that yourself," he reminded him.

"You're so stupid sometimes." Tobio's eyes shot up to Hinata's face. The words themselves weren't surprising. He had almost seen them coming, with a change in his expression, something that maybe spoke of understanding and perhaps even some kind of amusement. But there was nothing of that sort. It was still the unwavering stony expression from before.

It hurt. Hinata wasn't like this, Hinata didn't act like this. So... mean.

"You're so self-centered!" he spit out. "Just because you thought like this in middle school doesn't mean that I'm just as stupid and make the same mistake."

Tobio wasn't sure if he had actually taken a step backwards or just felt like he did. His mouth dry, he stared at Hinata while the latter continued talking as if he didn't notice. Maybe he really didn't.

"It's always the same; you always only think about yourself. It's you who has to improve, it's you who is the vital part of the team, responsible for victory and loss. It's always you!" With every sentence, Hinata stabbed his finger in Tobio's direction—not once did he touch him. It might have only been a few inches, but he kept that distance like Tobio's ever-present shadows might spread to him if they only touched. "You don't care about anyone else's lives, they don't even exist for you, we're all just stupid marionettes that are supposed to do what you want."