𝙏𝙄𝙇' 𝙒𝙀 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏. 𝙣𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙮𝙖𝙢

𝙨𝙞𝙭. 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩

𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈: self-harm & anxiety attack.

He was silent, he couldn't look at me & pulled away from my touches. I was confused, did we go too far? did i touch him somewhere he didn't approve? did i not submit to him the way he wanted me to? Please say something Nete, please look at me.

"Ma'Teyam..?" i called out to him but he simply ignored, only hearing the flapping sounds of his ikran's wings.

All i got was a forced smile & a light kiss on the cheek before he took off. With his head down leaving me at the field of the ship, it felt like i was used for his pleasure & he left for good.

I turned around walking back in disbelief, feeling dirty & tears forming. Norm voiced out to me, waving from the farm but my head was begrimed with images of Neteyam's expression & body language as he left that i instantly teared up.

In the whole 5 years of knowing me, Norm has never seen me shed a tear. Not even when a bunch of soldiers were making fun of my appearances & for being the only young, weak female in the ship.

My eyes opened & i sat up knees to my face, hands covering my mouth so no one could hear my sobs. Is this what teenagers feel when a boy fucks up? coz it sucks way more than i imagined. How do you handle this? we cant just simply alter our emotions like how we altered the plant's moods.

Work. I only have my work here as a distraction, i could throw myself into that? really i'll take anything to rid of this fuming urge to feed Neteyam to his ikran or, cry again.

I sniffed & looked up to see Norm knocking on the glass window, waiting for me to give him my permission to enter. I titled my head & nod slightly, looking down to pick on my skin in revulsion.

"Whats wrong my child?" Norm asks as he walked towards me & hugs me tightly as my face pressed onto his lab coat.

"You abandoned your avatar at the field, why did it look like it went through a tug-o-war with a thanator?" he continued trying to make me laugh.

I faked a laugh just so he wouldn't think that i was tearing up over a major issue, i guess this is what daughters feel when a "dad" cares. Thinking about it made a smile grow on my face when i looked up to Norm.

"There she is!" he said gently patting my head, handing me a glass of water.

"I am not just your anthropologist trainer Ms Pierce, before that i am your friend & your guardian. We used to play with beetles & hit everyone with our handmade slingshots!" he laughs reminding me of the good times when i first arrived on Pandora.

"I know you're not the same 13 yr old girl that runs around poking anyone you see with a test tube, you're a smart young woman now & you will experience new things like love." he continues.

I sighed at the word love, "did you see how he looked at me when he left? it was so forced & expressionless." i replied, questioning myself if this is love while another tear rolled down my cheek.

"Boys!" Norm scoffs, throwing his hands in the air.

"Always non-expressive & quiet whenever they have something on their mind!" he said being the complete opposite of what he explained.

My head was still looking down, still tearing, still picking at my skin. Nothing could shake this moment because its was so fresh, replaying in my head like a broken record. How am i suppose to explore on Pandora now knowing that, that part of it was ruined by a short moment?

I wiped my eyes & Norm accompanied me to my room, making sure no one would bother me with questions. "Im always a shout away!" he says as he closed the door.
My legs felt wobbly & my hips were aching, "this body felt it too huh?" i asked myself in a shaky voice.