Nancy+Anais

Chapter 3- Nancy

With Mia's arm still slung over my shoulder, we stopped walking just in front of her class and near the guidance counselor's office. For a minute or two she rambled about Bradie and "how good I looked" while talking down to Anais.

"Okay okay!" I told her, laughing partially. "You better get to your class Ms. Cass." Mocking what our teachers call her. Dramatically, she let out a huge sigh and slugged herself to the door.

When I saw her walk in, I headed in the other direction...to the counselors office. It isn't totally awful though. I get to miss a class with a great excuse. When I walked in, I saw Mrs. Sophie sitting in her chair. Legs crossed, hands together in her lap.

"Hey Mrs. Sophie," I said with a smile, hoping she wasn't mad at me for being late.

She brought her one wrist up slightly looking at her watch. "5 minutes late, on the dot." Looking up at me, annoyed? Yet she was enjoying this.

"Well you know with my mom.." Looking down at my feet, as dramatic as Mia.

"Oh pshh! Sit own Clarke!" We both laughed slightly. I liked how she was okay with me joking about those kinds of things. My dad doesn't take it lightly.

"Would you like to share why your late?" Her light voice speaks to me. I pause looking up at her, do I be honest with her? "Well," Frozen, no words come out of my mouth. My eyes don't move from hers. Calmly, she keeps looking at me with her light sage green eyes. They reminded me of my sisters. And her dark brown curly hair, colour of Hazels and curly like mine.

"Someone threw an apple at me." Finally, I say looking down at my feet. Playing with the string bracelets on my wrist. "Are you...hurt?" She slightly bursted out laughing. I would too, to be honest. I smiled at the sound of her laugh.

"No, No. I'm fine. But um" My smile stops, and I look up once again.. "...Do you know Anais? Her last name is something with an H, year 12 like me." Mrs. Sohpie takes a second to think and nods her head gently. "It was actually her that threw it at me, it's weird though. We've never actually talked before."

"Well, your not exactly the same crowd." Speaking low, and sitting back in her chair. "Yeah but like, my friends talk mad shit about her everyday- Can I say that?" Once again, she nods with a smile, making me smile as well. "But I don't know. I actually like....looked at her for once. It made everything seem real. Like I'm not tied into my knot of a friend group." For a moment there's silence, the only found is the fan above us. Like she's taking in everything I just said.

"There's just times when I wish I didn't have to pretend to laugh at everything Bradie Ford says. Only because he is Bradie Ford!" My eyes close for a moment and I breathe a little.

"A Lot of things are just over wheeling me, I guess I'm trying to say. I have to prepare for collages and all my school work. But I still want to be happy without screaming 'Emo bitch' at a girl that I don't know."

I'm done talking. I regret saying everything I just said. Keeping to myself always feels better. "Well, I can see how everything is overwhelming you. It's perfectly normal, it'll fade quickly. I was just like this." She thinks for a moment. "The last time we spoke, you told me how you might be questioning your sexuality?" I nod. Quiet, as if I'm guilty.

"It might just be me, but could Anais be something that makes you question?" As soon as she finishes her sentence it's like the fan gets louder. The silence is more pressuring. "It might just be me. But you have mentioned Anais more than once when you come to talk." My leg stops bouncing and tears slightly fill my eyes. "What if- '' I stumbled on my words. "What If I don't want to be like...that?"

To her it wasn't totally clear what I was saying. "Well Nancy, I get how in your situation it might seem like it's wrong or bad. Growing up with expectations, or ideals can change what you think. But it's perfectly normal. And if you're not, you're not. And if you are, it's okay."