The promised neverland oneshots + more

Hq- i hate this. -iwaoi ANGST AND READ DISCLAMER

(SoooOo I kinda vented in this. So yea lord of triggering topics such as suicide mention, talk about intrusive thoughts (also before anyone says anything people experience intrusive thoughts in different ways) Insecurities, a form of self harm (digging nails into skin) not eating and much more please proceed with caution
And if you ever need to talk to someone don't do what I did or what Oikawa did in this one shit
It's not healthy and it makes you feel worse. Talk to someone. Anyone.))

The team's match against Karasuno had finished, they all said their farewells. Oikawa keeping up the confidence facade, it neeely slipped a few times but he kept hold of it. Once the crows had left Oikawa excused himself and walked off to the changing rooms pretending to be doing stuff. He winced at his knee so sat down and started to fix the bandaging not noticing Iwaizumi had come in.

"It's hurting again isn't it shittykawa?"

"Can you not use such vulgar names  iwa~Chan"

"Trashykawa then and you're ignoring my question"

"Still with the names Iwa"

"My question, assikawa"

"I said enough with the names Iwaizumi!"

"That's a first, what's the issue Kawa?"

"Don't go all sweet because I got annoyed with you, I'm fine. I just have somewhere to be"

"Oikawa that can wait, whatever is happening in your brain is more important. I've known you for a long time and you've never snapped at me like that for the names, you'd just make a fuss and move on"

"Now is not the time for them, that's all plus the others need us more."

"You're doing it again"

"Doing what?"

"Putting on the mask and ignoring your issues with theirs, you need to stop this"

"Yes but they-"

"Can look after themselves, it's okay to breakdown oikawa. You don't have to be strong all the time"

"But you are! It's weak leadership to breakdown like this"

"It's not. If you need to cry to sort your emotions you should"

"No I need to be strong iwa, for myself for them"

"Fine. If you won't listen I tried"

Iwaizumi wlaked off, oikawa not wanting to follow sat back down and put his hoodie on with his headphones. He yanked the hood over his head and curled into a small ball upon himself, his arms cross around his knees and chin rested on his knees. He played one of his playlists and let the words soak in. Making sure the volume was high so he didn't have to hear the world around him, he unconsciously dug his nails into his skin to force himself to not cry. A bad habit he had.

Can't be too loud
Can't be too busy
If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?
Can't be too proud
Can't think I'm pretty
Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?
I say I'm okay
'Cause they wouldn't care anyway
And I could try to explain
But my efforts in vain
They can't relate to how I've-
Drawn out in Sharpie where I take the scissors
If that's what it took for me to look in the mirror
I've done every diet to make me look thinner
So why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?

He heard a knock on the changing room door pausing the music and looked up finally realising what he was doing so move his hand away, hearing Matsukawa speaking

"We are all heading out for lunch you wanna join?"

Oikawa gulped down the lump in his throat "nope I'm fine I'll join you guys later! Not that hungry that's all"

"Oh alright if you say so"

Oikawa sighed and flicked through his playlist seeing Miss wanna die . He dropped his head so he wasn't looking at anything the thoughts of that night rushing back to him, he violently shook his head as the intrusive thoughts started to join

"Hey hey! What if we just died- poof"

"No oke would care"

"They wouldn't notice"

"They can replace you easily!"

"What if we just did it- commited again"

"Maybe this time you won't fail!"

Oikawa changed the song trying to stop his flowing thoughts. He sighed as he agreed with some, he shouldn't have. He knew it. But some he felt were just correct. He continued to sit as he was starting to realise they didn't seem to care about him not agreeing to go, he got up and shoved his hand in his pockets, turned the music all the way up and walked home. Keeping his hood to cover his face and his hand around his phone so he could quickly whip it and change the song if needed a more suitable for his thoughts.