You got one chance to say your love use it

part 1 are you ok?

I sat up and stared at the bedside my backpack was on the floor but what I was really interested in was the tickets two of them one for me and one for Ralph I blushed alittle thinking of how happy he had been when I asked him to come killer boy rats for the win I thought putting the tickets in my pocket "Bye mom!" I yelled of course there was no answer I don't live with them anymore I garbed a little bit of toast I ate it at school I was still hungry but I couldn't eat anymore  even if I wanted to and it was painful to eat or restrain myself from it but if I ate I would throw up and it wouldn't be food it was always red but I didn't tell anybody they would ignore me I just learned how to bottle it up when I was 10 but it didn't matter it was how I learned to live I wanted to cry but I just didn't just then "HENRYYY!" I heard Ralph yell as he ran up and hugged me then he realized what he did he apologize I got sadder feeling the warmth of his hug "hey what's up buddy you ok?" asked Ralph I must've looked sad and I just forced a smile "nothing." I lied wishing I would magically stop feeling sad "It's not nothing Henry tell me what's wrong please if you're comfortable with it I want to help I always do but it's every tie you just say your not ready or that really your fine." Ralph said and he sat next to me we got permission to stay out because our classes were at the end and a class was held here so we could learn if we felt like it I looked at him hugged him and cried into his jacket/chest I just sat there bawling my eyes out for a while it must have took him by surprise because he held his arms out for a few seconds before hugging me back "I j-just can't *sniffle* d-d-do this anymore I just *sniffles then chokes on my tears* I hate my life everyone I've ever met either was my friend for pity or was fake *cries* and I can't do this diet and I wake up wishing I didn't wishing I couldn't breathe wishing I was dead I hate myself and no one has ever *sniffle* really listened and when they do they discard me like trash for later or they tell someone *sniffles a lot* everything and they go telling everyone I'm a cry baby or tell the teachers who try to help but they get in my business and make it worse I just can't do it I'm stuck in this HELL cycle *cries* I'm sorry I ever told you this I'm sorry I lived and i sorry for everything I've messed up or failed and I'm sorry I never did anything!" I say my voice turning to a yell at the last few words and I just bury my head into his jacket and sob "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" I say the jacket is muffling my words to the point the words after sorry are unrecognizable he just hugs me tighter "H-Henry  it's not your fault it's not you and there's no need to apologize I'm sorry you ever had to feel that way if anything I should apologize for not making you tell me before and for not  being there to help you." Says Ralph hugging me so tightly it feels as if hugging me any tighter would push me right through him but I don't care I just keep crying so much I could barely breath but I didn't care i just hugged him as tight as I could witch wasn't very hard he cried "Promise me you will stop blaming yourself out of your control you wont over work yourself and you will quit that diet please." Ralph said I stared at his big eyes witch seemed 10 times their normal size and the tears fell onto my face  but I just stared at him its not fair that I made him sad why is it his fault he shouldn't cry because of me I thought but I whispered it on accident and Ralph looked at me "Its not your fault you made me cry you didn't even make my cry its just uh......" Ralph's voice trails off before he shakes his head and continues "lets go to the bathroom and collect ourselves we can talk there okay?" Ralph stands up after I do I'm still sniffling but not as hard now