Affections

{2}

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Miranda

I strolled home. My step-siblings live like I don't exist. It's safer for me, though, I guess. Being invisible, I feel alone sometimes, but I'm used to it. I had no one. I had a mother, a mother you never had time for me. She was busy keeping herself scarless. She works hard to not be beaten every night.

I got home to meet my step-siblings at the dining table. Katie munched on the chips in her hands. It reminded me of the Second World War being fought in the stomach. Damien's stare constantly gives me goosebumps. I don't like the look he gives me. Katie's usual gaze is one of disdain. Now it's full of hate, I get used to it. I only pray they pretend I didn't walk in. Sadly, Damien didn't. He partakes in my daily torture. “Wanna come join us, sweetheart?” never

“What do you want, Damien? Pretend nice, then kick me out of the house tonight?” He smiles maliciously, glancing at Katie and then at me.

“Learn to bridle your tongue, Miranda, or I'll be teaching you at dusk.” He's right, I'm not in my right state of mind to absurd pain. I kept short, transfixed to where I stood. Damien approached, probing into my personal space.

More like a whisper, he said, “I can't seem to control myself around you, Mira”. The image of him trying to touch me weeks ago returned. Riled with disgust, I retort, “You need help.” He chuckled and struck me recklessly across the face.

“Stop!” the narrow side view of black hair made me aware of my mom's presence. My throat constricted. I tried to be strong. But no strength I had could stop the tears welling up in my eyes.

“Please don't hurt her.” My mom's tears dropped slowly. I backed away from all of them, heading to my room. My Mom tried to get a hold of my hand, but I jerked it away. She's the reason we're living this suffering.

I don't hate you, Mom, but don't…please don't touch me.

I ran up the stairs, jamming my door locked. Letting the tears that had already betrayed me run down my face. I curled right next to my bed on the floor to wail, picking up a headphone, Bellamy's headphones. Suddenly, flashes of good times enraptured my mind.

“Come on, Myra. You're stronger than this, so get rid of those tears” he wiped away tears on my face with his right and the other he used to play with my hair. He felt warm. He felt at home.

“It's okay…look, I got you this. It's my headphone. I want you to block your ears when you hear them fight. Whenever you feel sad or angry, put this on, for me. Okay?” I smiled, nodding to his wish.

He hates me now, and there is no going back to what we were. I had to hate him back.

There is no gage to the way the tears ran free, remembering made me worse. I connected the headphones to a song that finally released the contents of my heart.

Thought I found a way, thought I found a way
Ah

But you never got away, never got away

So, I guess I'm gonna stay now

The rhythms of the song made me feel like a mental patient suddenly letting go.
Of what? You may ask, Of everything. I sniffled silently in the corner; all I heard was music.

Oh I hope someday, I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes a night or a hundred years

Wanna feel the life outside,

I slowly lost consciousness of my surroundings.

I can't fight my fear