Your Best Friend, Benedict Cumberbatch

Chapter 39

A month had gone by.

A long, unbearable, torturous month without you.

Kit was too young to understand and would cry out for you. Amelia would say that her mummy had gone to heaven, but she didn't quite fully understand that you were not coming back.

Ben, so far, has broke his promise to you. He couldn't ever see himself building his life back together. You said to him that you didn't want him to live his life in a trance, just trying to get through the day. But, he wasn't even trying. He didn't want to get through the day. However, Martin made it his mission to make him see that he needed to, for the kids sake.

Around two weeks after you passed, Ben asked Martin to look after the children, but Martin could tell something was up. So, he and Alex came up with a plan. He took the kids and handed them to Alex who was parked down the street. He gave it a couple minutes, then walked back into the house. Ben was standing there, drinking a glass of whisky at ten in the morning, while staring down at a rope.

"I fucking knew it!" Martin had shouted at Ben, before storming over to him and screaming in his face. "Don't you fucking dare do that to your children! You utterly selfish prick! They have already lost one parent. Are you really going to screw up their whole fucking entire lives? How fucking dare you! What do you think Ella would feel if she saw you doing this? She would fucking hate you for doing that to her kids!" Martin ranted at Ben, which caused Ben to break down. He knew Martin was right. But, he just wanted to escape the overwhelming pain he constantly felt. There wasn't a moment that went by where he didn't feel intense pain.

Martin informed his parents, who checked on him every day anyway. They've begged Ben to come and move back home with them for a while. But, he's refused. He wants to be in the house. Although, he hasn't slept in that bed since. He's stayed in the spare room every night, clutching onto one of your sweatshirts to try and fall asleep. Finding comfort in your smell. He fucking loved your scent.

He had the kids with him more now. The first week they stayed at their grandparents consistently, but he found they were his only other comfort. So even though he was struggling tremendously, he preferred that they were with him. And all his friends and family were there, rallying round to help whenever he needed.

Your funeral was an absolute blur. All he remembers is breaking down and not being able to do the speech. He showed his face at the wake for around an hour, before going home, opening a bottle of whisky, and spending the night going through your wedding photos.

The funeral was private, obviously, but there was a lot of gossip surrounding it. People started to guess it was your funeral, and in the end Ben decided to release a statement.

It is with heart achingly utter sadness that I must inform you of my beloved wife's passing, after a short battle with cancer. She fought with great strength and was courageous until the very end. The most incredible wife and mother to our children. She will be severely missed and forever in our hearts.

We thank you for your love and support, and ask that you respect our privacy at this extremely difficult time, as we try to map out our path from here.

With Love,

Benedict x

Karon said the outpouring of love and support was incredible, but Ben refused to read any of it. It didn't make a difference. It didn't bring you back.

Today, Ben was going with the kids to your headstone for the first time.

"We ready to see mummy?" He asked the kids, as he strapped Kit into his chest carrier.