confused | m.surniolo ✓

•7•

•{ leila's POV }•

i woke up to my brother playing music from his room. i whine and grab my phone from my side table checking the time, 9:56am. i chuck the hood of my hoodie on and walk to my brother's room. "what the fuck are you doing?" i ask, rubbing my eyes because i was still half asleep. his door was wide open. "packing" he tells me, shoving his clothes into multiple suitcases.

"wai- what do you mean? going on holidays without me?" i ask acting hurt. "oh, i though i told you already- i'm uh, i'm moving into an apartment like 30 or 40 minutes away from here with justin and my other mate" he says. i kind of freeze in the spot not knowing how to react "you're ... moving out?" i ask "yeah" he simply says nodding.

"why didn't you tell me sooner?" i ask. "i don't know. i thought i already did" he says. i step into his room, it looked a bit empty with all the photos and poster that used to be on his wall, gone. shelves empty with only a few more clothes that needed to packed and put away into his suitcase.

"why? also when are you leaving?" i ask "um, probably next week on tuesday and also cause it's closer to the studio and my production team, and it's also good for justin cause of his poker games" he tells me. i nod but for some reason, i start to get teary "woah! ok hold up, don't cry" he tells me, pausing his music and stepping closer towards me "what's up?" he asks.

"i don't even know" i say wiping away the few tears that fell down my face. "it's just that i know your like, sooo fucking annoying but you're my brother" i say "hate to say it, but im gonna miss you bro" i say trying not to start to tear up again

"ok, first of all, don't cry, there's no reason to. and second, i'm not dying, i'm not that far away and i'll obviously come visit. i still gotta help you with you're music and new albuuum" he says excitingly. i laugh a little "hey, i'll miss you too kid" he says. i smile and open my arms for a hug "yeah whatever you little shit" he says hugging me back.

"but we're still doing my photoshoot tomorrow for my album yeah?" i ask still hugging him.

"of course we are dummy" he replies to which i smile.
—

it was now about 1 o'clock and i still haven't eaten anything since yesterday. i wouldn't say i have an eating disorder it's just that some days i can get insecure and in a way, starve myself

today is a pretty shitty day for me. not that anyone made it bad, i just feel like shit right now, you know? i just feel so annoyed at myself and... mad? i don't know.

it's just that everything that has happened with loki, and how im feeling right now. i just hate it. i hate this feeling. i know i'm over him, like for sure but im just mad at myself for thinking he actually loved me. i gave him so many chances but he just never came around. i'm mad at myself for even loving him in the first place. and i'm so mad that he is still a thought in my head. i then started to remember all the hate comments i get. all the times i've been insecure...

i had so many thoughts rushing through my head and i just got so overwhelmed and began to cry. i was crying so much, i felt wasted, mad, frustrated... i hated it.

i sat myself on the bed and curled myself in a ball in the corner of my bed, leaning my back against the bed frame. i started to shake and my breathing got uneasy. "no, no, no" i repeat to myself in my head.

a few minutes go by and it just gets worse, until i hear knocks on my window...