The Family that Chooses You

Chapter 14: Confession and Acceptance

Harry laid in bed.

It was late, well into night.  He could hear the snores of his roommates around him, the other first year boys in Gryffindor.  Most nights, the boys would chat about their day briefly before one by one they would draw the curtains on their beds.  They had all fallen asleep fairly swiftly.

He had not.

His mind was in turmoil.  He constantly thought about what happened that day.  Being attacked by the older boys, hearing the word that was the root of his deepest insecurities and fears.  Getting hurt.  His knee still tingled.  He knew it had been healed, and he marveled at how wonderful magical healing was, but it still bothered him.  Madam Pomfrey had assured him that was normal.  His leg still bothered him though.

He was not embarrassed about being rescued by Katie, or physically being carried by Angelina.  He knew he was small, something that was made much more apparent since arriving at Hogwarts.  Before he could only compare himself to Dudley and his cousin was very large in both size and stature.  So were Dudley's friends.  Now that he was around all sorts of kids, Harry knew he was very small compared to them.

He knew he stood no chance against the older Slytherins that had attacked him.  He also knew they were older, knew more than him.  Any fight between them could only end in one way.  If anything, he was lucky to have been saved when he was.  Before things could get very bad.  He was a little surprised that he tried to fight back.

Fighting back never worked well for him before.

Freak.

He sniffled.  It had been weeks since he was last called that.  He had gone years where he was called a freak every day, usually many times a day.  When he first arrived to Hogwarts, he kept waiting to hear it, kept waiting for someone to call him that.  Then he realized he was surrounded by people that was like him.  He thought being here meant he was safe from being called one.

A freak among freaks.

He sniffled harder.  Hearing the word today, after weeks of reprieve, made it hurt worse.  It had gone straight through him when Grimshaw called him that.  The word sank deep into his heart before erupting out the other side, leaving him hollow and raw.  Every time he tried closing his eyes to sleep, he heard him say it again, heard them say it again.

He sniffled harder.  Hearing the word today, after weeks of reprieve, made it hurt worse.  It had gone straight through him when Grimshaw called him that.  The word sank deep into his heart before erupting out the other side, leaving him hollow and raw.  Every time he tried closing his eyes to sleep, he heard him say it again, heard them say it again.

You're such a freak, the other freaks call you one.

Tears began to run down his face.  He shivered despite the covers.  He desperately wanted to sleep, to forget the day.  He could earlier, but only because of the potion Madam Pomfrey had given him.  Only because Katie and Angelina were there beside him.  They helped him feel better.  They helped keep the bad thoughts away.

They think you're a freak too.

"No they don't," he whispered desperately.  "They said they care about me."

They lie.

He whimpered out loud, then clapped his hands over his mouth.  One of the boys snorted sleepily, before sinking back into deep sleep.  Afraid to wake them, to have them see him like this, Harry crept out of his bed.  He walked slowly on the tip toe to make as little sound as possible, something that he used to do all the time.

He crept down the stairs and into the empty common room.  It was cold now, the fire gone.  During the way and evening the room looked warm and inviting.  In the dead of night, in the absence of light, it was a somber place devoid of warmth.