Airing Aaron (HotchxOC)

Ellamae.

Aaron silently stood beside Alessandra's bed and watched her with an open mouth. She had just uttered three words that weren't computing with his mind as she sat, feeding Ella and smiling awkwardly at him. She made no move to speak as she waited for his response. Hotch knew she wouldn't lie about something like that, and yet she had spoken those three words. After all the thought Alessandra put into saying them, too, it wasn't a mistake.

As he thought, Alessandra was waiting for a response. It was stupid, really. She knew that he wasn't interested in an actual relationship, and after the fight they had just shared, she was sure he would think she was psychotic and needed tasing like the cow she was. But despite all hesitations and fears, she loved him.

It was small at first, so small she hadn't noticed it, but as she sat, watching him watch her, her chest burnt with something she couldn't put her hands on. It was something that terrified every fibre of her being. That fear is what told her how she felt.

'Noble, I...' he paused for a moment, and as he did, she smiled politely at him.

'I know, Hotch. You don't love me. And you don't want to. I didn't say it to try and make us go back to how we were before. I didn't even say it to make you love me,' she reassured. 'I just, realised it,' she fumbled. 'When we met, I liked watching you work, but whenever we spoke or worked, something felt funny. I know that wasn't love. But I liked you. And then, when we were in my office, and you were stepping up to me, I felt like nothing could go wrong because I had you. And then I got hurt, and it was you. You always protected me. Not my family or friends. It was you. And now I know why. Because I don't do boyfriends or girlfriends. But I wanted to do you. And I don't totally mean that sexually,' she confessed before quietly laughing to herself. Alessandra wasn't stupid. She knew she looked and sounded crazy.

'Love is a big word,' Hotch spoke airily as he looked at his colleague, who was watching him with gleaming eyes. She looked at him a lot with those eyes. Those were the eyes she had looked at him with since Haley died. He used to think it was pity.

Hotch didn't have gleaming eyes, he didn't have radiant skin, and he definitely wasn't smiling. Quite the opposite. 'But I can stop loving you. I will learn to look away when I want nothing more than to meet your eye; I will crush the butterflies in my stomach. I will close every door I have effortlessly opened for you if you can tell me that you do not and will not ever love me. This is your choice, and I won't make you suffer just because I let my feelings take hold of me,' she offered confidently as she glanced at him with silently pleading eyes. Alessandra wanted nothing more than to hear him say he loved her or that he cared for her, but she knew he didn't love her. He just liked to share a bed with her when he could.

Hotch scanned her body over and stopped at her smiling face as her eyes soon gleamed with sad, lost tears. But she never dropped her eyes from his. All he wanted to do was to crawl over to her and tell her that he wanted her, and he didn't want anyone else to hurt her. He wanted to hold her face and tell her that he did love her. The thought of doing it terrified him. Love was something he once felt for Haley. And that couldn't have gone any worse than it did. 'Noble,' he began hesitantly.

'I got it. Don't worry,' she informed him as she gulped painfully.

'Pussy,' Hotch thought to himself as he realised he had just backed out of the perfect deal. He wanted to grow with her, and she was giving him the chance to explore it.

'You don't need to call me names. I stopped you because you looked like you were too scared to tell me the truth,' she rebutted bluntly.

'No,' he quickly began, waving his hands as he realised he had said pussy aloud. 'I wasn't talking about that,' he began as he tried to come up with an explanation that showcased what a coward he was.