But now I sleep alone

Chapter 19

I wake up alone after a restless few hours sleep. I still don't know what happened to Tony. I'm assuming he was found but he never came to me. I look at my phone and it's only 4 am. I sigh as I make my way downstairs to get some painkillers and maybe a sleeping tablet. I make myself some hot chocolate too and after I finish it off, I check on my mam as I head back to my room. I lie there still unable to sleep. After we got back yesterday, I was in too much of a state to do anything. Sue stayed until my mam was sorted out with food and bed, bless her. I was in so much pain after I realised Tony had gone that I just couldn't focus on anything. I feel like I'm letting everyone down and there's nothing my stupid body can do about it. I get up again and wrap my fleecy robe around me, followed by my duvet and head out onto the balcony. Maybe some fresh air will help out. It sometimes does. I sit down on the chair that's outside and wrap myself up in a cocoon of fleece and warmth. It's bitterly cold but my layers keep that off, for now at least.
My eyes flutter briefly as I feel myself being carried to my bed. I'm too cold and tired to say anything as I'm lowered onto my bed. I manage to open my eyes for a brief second and see Mike pulling the covers over me. He notices my eyes are open and smiles sympathetically at me.
"I woke up and went for a cigarette and heard you crying out, so I climbed up the trellis to bring you back in. How long had you been out there?"
I glance at the clock. It's 7 am.
"A couple of hours I guess. I couldn't sleep and thought the fresh air might help."
Mike sits next to me on the bed and takes my hand in his.
"Charlie, you've got to look after yourself. Falling asleep on a balcony in the middle of winter isn't going to make you feel good. If I hadn't seen you when I did, who knows how long you would have been out there. You might have died of exposure or something."
I shrug, not in the mood to care anymore. I'm done with everything. Mike grabs my hand tighter.
"Don't be like this. You know Tony loves you and you know you love him. Make the most of the time together you can have. Be happy when you can be. Life is too short to be unhappy darling."
He wipes away a tear I didn't even realise had fallen. I nod, knowing he's right and pull him to me for a hug. He rubs my back as I cry anyway.
"Do you want me to get Tony?" he asks. I shake my head, not wanting Tony to see me like this again.
"Go switch the kettle on. I have to get my mam ready and I'll come over, ok" I whisper. He nods and leaves me to get dressed and to get my mam ready. I lie back on the bed as soon as he's through the door and take a few deep breaths. I'm going to need a lot of courage to get me through the next couple of days.