His Secretive Demeanor

Chapter 15

Play Till My Heartache's End — Kz Tandingan as background music for Chapter 14. Video provided above.

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He was chasing after me, I wasn't ready to hear his voice yet. Everything turned out to be a huge lie, all these promises, all the dreams we've built and the things I thought were certain went down the drain. He doesn't love me, he was grieving. I was only helping him fill the void she left. I fell for it, I fell for him.

I stopped running when I could no longer carry on, my heart felt as if it was being crushed and pounded into bits, as if it was bleeding, like it was the end of it all. He kept that secret from me as if it was light, he hid it like it was nothing, he pretended as if it didn't exist. I mended a heart in exchange for mine. His healing was my heart's defeat. He caught up.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you.." I slapped him across the face. He had the nerve to do all of those. I was innocent, I believed it was love, I brought him inside my home, I introduced him to my parents, I was convinced that this was the love I was waiting for, that this was Prince Charming, and I was only proven wrong. I was played. "I'm so sorry Amee..."

"You should be!" I cried my eyes out in front of him, and heaven knows how many times I've wished for him to feel the same in this very moment. He deserves the pain he has inflicted upon me. I felt like a sponge, absorbing all the trauma he get from the death of a woman I knew nothing of. "How cruel could you be? I was gullible!"

"I'm sorry... there is no right reason as to why I did that. I was... hurt. I know I sound like an asshole and I understand your anger, I was hurt... when I met you, it feels as if I met Mia again. Ever since she died from that plane crash, my heart died with her. You... you put parts of it back to life. I knew I needed you the moment I saw you. I needed Mia and it was as if she was right in front of me again."

"You... used me."

"Yes."

"You have no idea how much you've hurt me... I can never forgive you for what you did. Gaeb, I loved you! And all those moments we shared I was convinced you loved me too. With what you did, you killed me as well. I know you were hurt when she died and I know I will never understand how greatly that must have impacted you, but did you have to give me the same pain you were bottling up? I was innocent... I knew nothing, what did I ever do to deserve this?"

"You didn't do anything Ameelya, it was me. It was all me." He said, I looked into his eyes and I could see sadness in them. Not just sadness, but guilt. Of course, he was only feeling this now because I already found out. "I'm sorry, I tried to tell you countless times but I was afraid I would lose you."

"Bullshit Gaeb, that's complete bullshit." I hissed. "You're not scared of losing me, you're scared of losing Mia all over again. You see her in me, you feel her when I'm with you. You hardly even noticed me, because you saw her in me the entire time. You are horrible. You don't deserve my forgiveness."

"I know, I understand." He looked down. "I'm sorry but an apology is all I could give you."

"It was so hard to trust people Gaeb, so hard. What did I do to you?! What on Earth did I do to you for you to repay me like this?! I loved you, you were the only one I have ever loved and I gave you everything because I thought you deserved it. I let you enter my home, I let you meet my family, I let you convince them you were serious and you promised... you promised to keep all of that treasured because I did all of that for you... How could you hurt me like this?"

"Because I was hurt. You don't know how it feels to lose the one you love that way, I can no longer see her, I can no longer hear her voice and I know that I can never get a chance to be with her again even for just a day. Do you even know how hard it was for me to sleep? To eat? To even move? I couldn't go on because it felt like a part of me was taken away from me, Mia was my other half! She was everything to me... and I lost her."

"If she was everything to you... where was I?"

There was utter silence, he stared at me for minutes and I couldn't even look at him anymore. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take all of it. I was lost in a sea of confusion and I had no idea how to mend the pieces that were all torn away. I was tormented, broken into something that felt like nothing could ever fix it. I thought we were unbreakable... I thought it was all true.

"Answer me Gaeb, did you even see me for who I am?" I asked and my hands started to shake. "Or was I a reflection of Mia the entire time? Was I a game? Was I an item for you to use? What was I?! Who was I to you?! Was I ever worth something? Even a memory? Or I was just the girl who looked like your dead girlfriend who you used to heal the parts that she left broken?"

"I'm sorry Amee. I can never love you the way I love Mia." He turned his back on me and he started to walk away. I stood there, shattered into pieces with no hope left. I was used, that's all I'll ever be to him. And he was... the love of my life. I don't know if I can ever love again. I was broken. I was torn. Gaeb broke me. He's leaving me in pieces, while he walks away, with a heart half-healed. Leaving me in the dust.

He looked at me one last time before he completely drifts off to the distance...

"I wish I could love you the same way because you deserve it, but I can't force my heart to do things I'm not prepared for."

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