Yerizabelle's Records

Entry #5

Stellar Year 3038 Month of Tessa 17th day

Finally it was vacation from school. My sister decided to come home to spend Christmas with the family. Her work gives Christmas breaks too. Now we're home.

On another note, I think my language skills has gotten better. The teacher complimented my improvement too.

Anyway, I'm home. It sure feels good to be at the place I feel the most comfortable.

And my brothers came home too. I still envy them. They're annoying. They're so noisy, so rowdy. They're going to school but it feels like they have no manners at all.
Maybe it's cause they feel stifled with their s school life? Probably so. I heard their school really uphold the rules. The students have to follow them or else they get punished.

I really want to scream at them. I feel so annoyed. They're so irritating. Mom doing nothing about it is not making things better for me. Sister feels it too. Maybe that's why she doesn't stay at the house very much.

I hoped that this vacation was going to be relaxing. School was really taking a toll on my mind. Apparently, I've gotten thinner. Mom was fussing about it the time she saw me when we arrived home.

This first brother of mine really is the most annoying. He always acts like he know it all. I really hate it when he forces me to listen to him share about his nonsense.

And now the moment he arrived, (he was the last one to arrive of the brothers) he started fussing about how the house so disorderly. He even chastised me that I was doing nothing and I just let the house be in that kind of mess.

I got angry of course. I said that this mess wasn't y fault and that the others (namely my other  brothers) caused them and I asked him to shut up.

The annoyance (namely, him) just retorted that it was my responsibility to clean up.

Huuuhh??? Why was it my responsibility?! They're grown kids. They can look after themselves. They can clean up their mess. He's, no,  they're so, so, so, so, annoying.

I even lost my appetite. Just because of that.

There was another thing. A security guard reprimanded me that I should wait my turn cause he was still talking with another person. I felt offended. It's not like I did anything wrong. I was just in a hurry that time. That made it so, so offending.

I felt that this day was just the worst ever. Everything's annoying, tedious and I don't want to do anything at all. I want to turn into air. That way I wouldn't have to think and do anything.

Another thing, I realized that I really got thinner. Mom wasn't wrong. Maybe it's cause I was skipping meals. I don't know why but sometimes I don't feel like eating. I don't know why though. Mom also said that I should eat lots.

There are times when I eat, the food is just so heavy to swallow. I don't  know why though. I tried reading about it, and the books' answers were the feeling of pressure or trauma and the food itself is bad.

The latter seems impossible. Food in the city is always delicious. That's why it's expensive, I guess.

The former may be the reason. I don't want to admit it though. And I never told anyone this happened. Sister doesn't eat with me after all.

Today, I didn't have lunch. We were hurrying home. We just made do with bread and other snacks. It was delicious.

I also skipped dinner. Maybe I'm just hastening my death. It all because of those annoying brothers of mine.

I think I'm walking myself to the path of dying. I can say I'm slowly killing myself.

But maybe this isn't  so bad. I don't know why but my emotions have been on edge recently. I het angry and annoyed so easily. Maybe the city wasn't made for me after all. And I brought that trait home. I've been trying hard not to let my feelings show. It's really hard.

I think I need therapy.

I'll write again.

Yerizabelle