Fighting your inner demon

The beginnings

Lara Su was born that scolding hot summer day, I held her in my arms and prayed her mom survived. Hours ticked by as we waited finally news was provided. Julie didn't survive the surgery. That day I lost my wife, and my daughter lost her mother. I had to make a difficult choice, let my daughter live a lonely life while I busted my ass every day, never getting to see her grow up or give her up for adoption, give her to a more loving family and just live with the fact she'll be happier that way. Days of stress and anxiety filled you and finally you came to the best conclusion; give her up. You handled Julie's funeral, burial and took Lara to the adoption center some weeks later, with much heartbreak you filled the paperwork and left her in the arms of the facility. You had in the paperwork that she was allowed to have your address when she turned 18 and was welcome to visit anytime if she so chooses.

"Promise she'll go to a good home, okay? It's not only what I want, but also what her mother would want to..."

6 YEARS LATER. 


 "Shadow please? You have denied me this since we've gotten together, you're never here and I just want a little girl and-"

"Shut. Up. I don't want any daughters. Women are whiny just like you and I don't want to be bothered. Truth be told Soni, I didn't want kids at all, but you absolutely HAD to have kids. Tch. Whatever. I'll see you in a few months..."
I watched my husband leave for overseas work; he was rarely home since we had gotten married 4 years ago. Since he was never home, I decided that he couldn't get rid of a child if I signed the paperwork all alone.
Two months pregnant and full of confidence I headed down to the adoption center to adopt a little girl of my own. I went in and talked to the mistress in charge, she introduced me to the babies and out of the corner of my eye I saw her, this little Echidna girl sitting alone in a corner playing by herself, some other kids making comments or laughing as they walked by her, I had to meet her personally. I walked over and spoke to her.
"Hi sweetheart~ My name is Soni, may I play with you?"
I pressed myself against the wall and slid down to sit on the floor with her. Her eyes lit up when I sat with her, I reached my hand out and the moment I held hers I felt a connection. I sat with her for hours before I had to get up and go, there was something about her that I just needed to give her a good home. As I was talking to the mistress she ran over and tugged on my pants.
"Are... Are you coming back to play? You're really nice to me..."
I nodded with a smile before I turned to sign some paperwork, I needed it to be approved I wanted to give her a loving home, a place where she wouldn't be all alone anymore.
A few weeks later after everything went through, I got the wonderful news that she was going to be my daughter. I went and picked her up. She was filled with so much joy to be in a new home, the mistress thanked me for taking an older kid than a baby.
 We didn't live in a big house, but it was enough to get by, I spent all my time with her since I was out on maternity leave. Lara. My little girl's name was Lara. She was such a good girl who helped me cook, clean, and took care of other chores, I taught her what to do in case my water broke and helped get her enrolled in a new school. She told me about her life in the adoption center, kids bullied her for being different, no one played with her, and many people passed her up because she was different.
"Honey... That's what makes you special, never let anyone take that from you. You are an Echidna. A proud race with a lot of heritage and history behind you, when you are old enough, we can look into it okay? I know there are plenty of books about those tribes although I'm not sure about you specifically... Oh! Lara, do you feel that? He's kicking something fierce! His daddy and I agreed on the name Shade. ...When his daddy comes home, I want you to hide, I want you to know that he is NOT your father. He's not ready for you..."
The next few months proved to be rather challenging for me, from giving birth to my son Shade, physical abuse from Shadow and having to stop him from trying to hurt Lara.
"Shadow stop it! Lara, please go up to your room, okay? Mommy will take care of this... You will stay away from my daughter, if you so much as lay a hand on her-!"

SMACK. I fell to the floor. A hot burning liquid rand down my face but from where was it coming from? It was all spinning, my eyes couldn't focus on anything, only blurs and that's when I saw it. A hand raised up towards my daughter and by instinct I grabbed her and pulled her down, covering and taking another blow.  Everything went to black, the sound around me disappeared and the last thing I heard was my little girl crying. When I came to, she was curled up around me, I checked her over for marks, but she was safe.
I fought like hell to protect her no matter what, I told her to never stay in the same room as him and to always stay by my side. The next year I was pregnant again and left alone again, he left the house without a warning, never answered my phone calls or bothered to call me.
 When I found out I was having a girl, I wept with joy and gave the news to Lara. I reminded her to stay quiet about the fact I was pregnant with a girl, I took her to school every day and worked harder than I ever had to raise Shade.
When the time came, I grabbed both kids and hurried to the hospital, my pregnancy went well and the birth was fairly easy, Seina was born a very healthy baby the only issues were some extra blood losses on my end.
 My lovely little kids grew up too fast, Lara was 7, Shade was 2 and Seina was 1. We were all so happy, I never thought I'd find happiness in raising my kids alone and loving each other. One day, approximately a few months past the time Shadow left, her came home. I had to hide the girls while he was awake and prayed Seina didn't cry, telling Lara everything she needed to do to help keep Seina quiet.
Shadow stayed home the longest he had, trying to hurt my girls and hurting me with not only his anger but his false love. Pinning against the wall and biting so hard I bled, slamming hard enough against things to make me extremely dizzy but propping me up to fuck on his own accord even if I didn't want to, getting too extreme with his kinks and leaving me a bruised and bloody mess and trying to teach my kids that it was okay to abuse me or women in general.
Things got out of control, and I simply couldn't take it anymore, the days of limping out of bed or being beaten into so much submission I had to ask to get out of bed. We had a final argument which resulted in a signing of the divorce papers, that I asked he NEVER comes near me or the kids ever again. 
"I-I'm done Shadow! I don't want MY kids seeing this or learning this. These kids need a loving and nurturing environment, and you are just... just a monster!"
"Fine. Leave. I didn't want those fucking kids anyways! I agreed to a SON. I leave to go make money for YOU and I come home to TWO kids and one of them is one of those disgusting Echidnas. You say she's adopted but I believe you fucked someone before we married and had that trash bag dumped on our doorstep. You were a slut when we met and STILL are. Get the fuck out of my house."
I froze in front of Shadow. I never thought he could be so harsh to me. But he was right. I needed to leave, I already had found and bought a small house on the other side of town and closer to the city. I bit my lip and gathered all the baby things, my pillows and blankets, and almost all of my clothes. My small car was packed to the brim, I told Shadow I would be right back, and he ignored me. 
I took everything in my car to my house and just unloaded into the living room, I returned to Shadow's for my kids and walking in the house he was just sitting at the dining room table, his head in his hands, just looking frustrated. I took a breath and approached him; I tilted his head up and kissed him. I really still loved him, but I couldn't be here with him anymore, I didn't want my children to see this abuse and I didn't want them growing up with a neglectful father. I was about to pull away from the kiss and say my goodbyes, but he grabbed me from behind and forced me into his lap, holding the kiss for so long I couldn't breathe. Finally letting go he buried his face in my neck and dug his claws in my back, deeper and harder he pushed i could feel the puncture and the blood run down my back. I choked on my tears as he kissed and nibbled on my neck, I put my arms on his shoulders and played with his quills, my soft sobbing right in his ear is exactly what he wanted, he knew my weakness was someone so strong holding someone so weak and protect me. While in his arms he slowly coaxed my legs apart and moved me onto the counter, holding me above him and wiping away my tears and being the sweet and gentleman that he was when we started dating. 
"Soni... We don't have to do this. I love you. You are my beautiful wife and I want to spend my life with you, those kids have torn us apart and I never wanted to be that way. I wanted us to be us before kids. How about you raise them, and I just love you? I promise to never touch a quill or lock on those kids' heads, I'll pretend they aren't even there, how about its baby? You still look like you did in high school even after two kids~"
A false sense of security. I couldn't do this alone. Or maybe I could? Could i really risk these kids possibly seeing him snap again? No. I could still love him from a distance, I had to go through with this divorce for my kids, he wasn't the man I wanted in my life in this point.
"Shadow... No... I love you too but that's not the way I want things to go. I want a father for my kids, biological or not, they need a male figure in their lives that WANTS to be there. I'm sorry but I have to-"