Crashed

XVIII

Max
She left. I know she won't pick up her phone if I call her, but still my thumb hovers over the call button. Kelly gets back. "Did you get in contact with Zoë? We were suposed to get a coffee together but she isn't responding to my texts." I look out the window and sigh. What do I tell her? I confessed my past feelings to her and she ran away because I told her I loved her? Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. "She came to get her suitcase and had to leave. She wanted me to thank you for spending time with her." She frowns "oh, that doesn't sound like her. Are you sure she was okay?" "She was fine, maybe she went out with Lando again. I'm going for a run." I walk out the door and start running. I run to a viewing point and sit down. There is one person who might know where she is. I decide to call Lando. "Is she with you?" I hear I woke him up. "Goodmorning to you too. Eh, no I don't think she's here anymore." I hear he gets out of his bed, calling her. "Spare yourself the energy, she took her suitcase from my place and left. What did you do to her to flee from you?" He scoffs. "I did nothing." "You have to have done something, she wouldn't just run away!" "Max, it sounds like it's not my problem since she cold blooded left me here." He hangs up. I throw a rock off the mountain. Her flight isn't untill late in the evening, she has to be around Monaco somewhere. Should I just go look for her? 

I get back home and Kelly is in the kitchen. "So strange, I tried to call Zo but she just doesn't answer. I also called Lando to ask if they had any plans but he already made plans to go onto the water with Charles." I shrug my shoulders. "She's old and wise enough to know what she's doing." I can feel Kelly judging me but I just walk away and get to the shower. Judging me that I act all cold, not caring about Zoë, which is the absolute opposite of what is happening in my mind. Maybe she's already at the airport, maybe she took an earlier flight, maybe she checked herself into a hotel or something. I don't know the answer and I doubt I will know it. I have a meeting with RedBull to debrief about the race. After the meeting I'm walking with Daniel. "Mate,  you seem so aggitated today, what's going on?" "Nothing important." He stops me. "Look at you, it is important. So tell uncle Dan." I sigh. "I don't want to talk about it." "Okay, than I'll talk. I think it has something to do with Zoë." I start to stutter and walk further again. "Why do you think that?" "Because I've seen you doubting to call her more times than I can count already." "Oh" Was I holding my phone up that obvious?  "And I've seen you watching her like a hawk when we went out, two times already. Do you maybe just like her?" "No, I would be a shit boyfriend to Kelly if I did." "That wasn't my question, as I asked before, she's more than just your friend isn't she?" We walk to sit on the beach together. "She- She makes my blood boil, she makes me want to scream, she makes me want to throw things. She makes me want to punch things, she makes me feel things I don't even know if I want to feel. She-... I-... I don't feel them with Kel. Everything with Kel is so nice and relaxed, but Zoë is constantly on my mind. But I love Kelly, I want to be with Kelly, I want my future with Kelly." It sounds more like I'm repeating those words to believe it myself rather than convincing Daniel. Dan puts his hand on my back. "It sounds like you're in love with her." "I've always been in love with her, but I'm not anymore." "I don't know if the past tense is the right tense." "I told her, that I loved her, and she just walked out on me." "She'll eventually has to talk to you again. You told her, now it's her turn. But it isn't fair against Kelly, do know that." Daniel is right. I know he is. But I'm not telling Kelly, it will do nothing but hurt her when those feelings might just as well go away again with time.