Crashed

XXI

Zoë

The Dutch GP. Why am I doing this again? I feel sick, my stomach hurts, I can't think clearly. "Baby, no need to be nervous." Lando softly kisses my head as I tie my shoes. I sigh deeply "I am nervous, extremely nervous, what if I screw up?" He laughs a little. "It's a test day during practice sessions, nothing you can screw up." He lifts my chin to make me look in his eyes. "Stop worrying" I slowly nod and he pulls me in a tight hug when I stand up. "You're right, it's just a testing day today." I sigh while he caresses my back. I deepen the hug before letting go. "I will see you somewhere in the paddock, come see me anytime you want okay? You have a McLaren pass so you should be able to just walk in." I nod and smile at him as he plants a kiss on my forehead. He taps my bum softly and whispers "Okay I need to leave, I see you later" He leaves and the door falls in its lock before. I just stand there, looking at nothing. I search for my phone where I left Max still unanswered all those weeks. I want to be a ghost, run in and out that paddock without seeing him. I still have no idea how to act towards him, what to say, what to do. I shake my head, today is about my career, not Max! Okay you got this Zo, let's rock today! 

I arrive in the paddock and make my way to Williams. Eventhough it's practice, it's busy in the paddock. A lot of people to be my disguise. I know Max won't show up for about another hour, he always comes in later than everyone else. I walk past McLaren where I see Lando in an interview or game or something with F1 TV, he has to bake his own stroopwafels. I chuckle a little when I see him struggling with making tho dough and trying to not burn his caramel. He loves stroopwafels, so he already assured a big bag to bring with him, almost like a year round stash. He spots me walking past and we make eyecontact, without doing anything else. But I can see in his eyes he wishes me goodluck. I stand before Williams, take one big breath before going in. Today is the start of something new, I hope. 

Max

I walk in way more early than normal. I have a lot of media duties, eventhough it's widely known I hate media duties. But the Dutch GP, so I have to. I slowly make my way into the paddock, surrounded by fans when I see the challenge of F1 TV. Baking stroopwafels. I'm not gonna lie, I actually like this one. Lando and Oscar are just finishing up and showing their creations when I walk past. It looks like a disaster. I wave at them as I walk further to Red Bull and pass a group of workers from Williams together with Alex. I wave at them before getting surrounded by fans again. Inside the RB hospitality I can finally breath again, the love of the fans is great but they sometimes suffocate me. 

After practice it is time for us to do the stroopwafel challenge. I walk outside our hospitality when my mother, sister and Kelly greet me. "Have fun baking, you hobby" Kelly says mockingly. "Funny, Kel. I will do perfect." "I'm sure you will." My mother laughs at me as well. We stand talking for a little while when I get called over. "That's my cue to blow you away with my great baking skills." I say them goodbye and turn around to walk away. I get past Lando who says something while I'm still walking away, I turn around to say something back, continuing to walk backwards.

I bump into someone. A Williams worker. I apolagize for walking into her and she only nods. She walks past me quickly but I can't see her face. That scent... it reminds me of Zoë. It is her favorite perfume, I would still be able to find her in a crowd only based on that scent. I turn around and look again, better this time, when I see her long her swaying on her back. Shit, that is Zoë! "Zoë!" I yell after her but I can see she picked up the pace "Zo, please wait!" I try to go after her when someone comes to me to get an autograph. I quickly sign and look up to see where she went. Fuck, she disappeared in the crowd.