Alone

Chapter 2: The Aftermath

After my visit to the hospital, and the rape kit, I had Amanda take me home and she walked me to my apartment.

"Do you want me to stay the night?" Amanda asked with a worried look on her face. "I can stay as long as you need me." She added.

"I... I'm..." I don't want to be alone. I thought to myself. But I don't want to be weak. She saw right through my hesitation.
"It's ok, I'll stay, I want to." Amanda assured me. I gave her a light hearted smile.

She opened the door to my apartment and we walked in. I heard her lock the door behind us, I jumped a little at the sound. She gave me a reassuring smile, I'm glad she stayed. As stupid as it sounds, I'm afraid to be alone. I should welcome the feeling of time to myself, but that's all I've ever had. I've always been alone. I will probably always be alone.

"Are you hungry?" Amanda brought me out of my thoughts. I looked up, I realized that I stopped in the middle of the living room. "Um... Ya sure... We'll have to order out, I don't cook much." I said absently.

I continued to the couch and sat down. I heard Amanda order Chinese over the phone for us. I brought my knees to my chest and tears began to silently role down my cheeks. I feel so broken. I feel so alone. Even with people checking in on me. They only do it now, but what about years from now? I'll still be alone, no one to share life with.

After Amanda ordered the food, she walked over and sat a few inches away from me. I can understand. We are trained to give survivers some space, so that we don't trigger any bad memories. But it only mad me cry harder. She opened her arms to me, silently asking if I want physical comfort. I all but dove into her arms. I needed someone to hold me, if it was only a co-worker. She understands me, at least part of me.

Every so often she would whisper to me "It's ok, hunny, I'm here for you." or "You will get through this." It felt like I cried for hours, but it must have been minutes because the door bell rang. Our food must be here.

"I'll get it." She said. As she released her hold on me I saw her wipe tears from her cheeks.

I sat in silence, wiping my tears away as she went to retrieve our food.

"What are you doing here?" I heard Amanda ask slowly as she opened the door.

"Amanda, who is it?" I asked in confusion.

She looked at me, and then back at the person on the other side of the door. She stepped back to let whoever it was in, and as he stepped into my apartment he said "Hi, Olivia."

I would have never of thought he would come to check in on me, of all times.

.........

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