Alone

Chapter 4: Life's a bitch...

Olivia's POV:

It's only been 24 hours. 24 hours since I've been broken... 'No I can't think like that,' I told myself, 'you're strong, you survived.'

"I survived." I mumble to myself, while I sit at the bar in the kitchen. Amanda is making breakfast for us.

"Did you say something, Liv?" She looks at me questionably. I just shake my head.

She turns back to the pancakes on the stove; she found an old box in the cabinet, which are hopefully still edible.

"How are you feeling?" She asks suddenly.

"I just want to forget and for people to quite treating me like I'm broke." I say honestly. 'But you are broken.' I think to myself.

"I'm sorry about last night, I don't usually breakdown like that..."

"It's ok..." She starts to cut me off.

"Please, don't. I don't want him to be an excuse." I say as she sets our plates down in front of us. She just nods and remains silent. We continue the rest of our meal in silence.

After we washed and put the dishes away, we settle on the couch to watch a movie.

'A League of Their Own.... Casey would love this movie.' I thought with a smile. 'I wonder if she knew I went missing... I haven't seen her in ages.'

The thought of my old colleague makes me smile.

'If Elliot were here, he'd give you a rain check.' I remember her words clearly. My heart starts to hurt again just thinking about him.

"Hey, Barba wanted to know if he could swing by for lunch. If you wanted." Amanda interrupts my thoughts. I give her a questioning look.

"I just think he's worried about you. You're probably the closet thing he has to a friend around here." She states the obvious.

Don't get me wrong, I consider him a friend as well. "Sure, why not." I agree absently.

"While his here for lunch, I'll go and pack a few things to stay longer if you want." She adds kindly.

"No, no, that's not necessary. Thank you for staying the night, but I... I want... I need to get through this... Alone."

She looks at me for what seems like hours. But I know she understands.

She nods her head slowly. "Alight." She says in her southern accent.

Our attention goes back to the movie for about 30 minutes.

"I'm going to go out." I said suddenly, walking to the bedroom to get dressed. When I walk back into the living room, she's still sitting there looking at me like I grew another head. "Are you sure?" She asks.

I nod my head; my hair is down, covering some of my brushed cheek, and I have big sunglasses on to cover my still purple and swollen eye.

"I'm just going to get some air, maybe visit the guys at work." She eyes me worriedly but doesn't object. I give her a small reassuring smile as I walk out the door.

"By the way I'll call Rafael and tell him where to meet me, you can join us if you want." I offer.

"No, that's alright. I think me and Frannie will go for a long walk."

I smile, "Be carful." I said as I left my apartment.

*******

I decided to walk to work. I felt tense the whole way there. I forced myself to relax as I saw the door to my building.

I looked at my watch. 'It's 11:30, they are probably here by now.' I thought to myself.

The next thing I know, someone walks right into me from behind, knocking me off balance.

I don't see the building anymore, everything is dark, I feel like I'm back in that warehouse. I can hear Amelia crying.

"God knows woman what the fuck!?"

This snaps me out of my trance... That voice.... No it couldn't be...

"Elliot?" I asked, confusion evident in my voice.

"Missed you too, Liv." He says with his hand over his nose, there's blood gushing everywhere.

"What the fuck just happend?" I asked, panic rising up inside me.

He looks at me in confusion.

"I didn't see you there and ran into you, the next thing I know you punch me in the fucking nose. Jesus, Liv, I know you're upset but, damn it this hurts like a bitch!"

I stood in shock. Did I really just punch him in the face? I look down to see that my hand was still in a fist.

"You know what Stabler, you deserve that and more."

'I honestly didnt know it was him, but I probably would have done it anyway.' I though to myself.

I turned around and all but ran into my work building and quickly found myself on the roof.

"This is all too much." I say to no one.

I wiped the tears, that I didn't know where there, away from my cheeks. I just saw the one person I thought I'd never seen again. At the worst fucking time. Damn life.

I heard the door open behind me.

"Olivia, can we talk?"

Him. Again. Fuck.

"There's nothing to fucking talk about!" I scream over my shoulder, without looking at him.

"Are you ok, I didn't mean to make you cry." He sounds sincere. But I don't give a fuck.

"You don't know do you?" I asked, not sure whether to be relieved or angry. "How would you know, you weren't here." I added snidely.

"That's low, Olivia." I hear him say.

I can't stop laughing now, tears rolling down my face from laughing and being angry.

"Are you fucking serious!? You don't know how fucked up my life is do you? DO YOU!?" I'm not sure where all this is coming from, but fuck it. He's not getting me to feel sorry for him.

"What the hell is going on..." Fin says joining us on the roof. He looks at Elliot, then to me.

"Baby girl, what are you doin?"

I look at him, then I look at where I'm standing. I'm standing at the edge of the building, gripping the railing... 'The only thing keeping you from giving up...' I think.

"Come here..." Fin says with open arms.

Still angry, mainly at Elliot, I obay. Tears running freely down my face.

"What the fuck is going on around here?" Elliot asks loudly. I flinch, this doesn't go unnoticed by either of them. Elliot's eyes widden in realization.

"Olivia..." He started.

"Why the fuck do you care?" I whisper harshly.

"I'm going home." I told Fin as I quickly walked out before either could protest.

Life can be such a bitch...