Alone

Chapter 7: The Choices We Make

**Olivia's POV**

"Don't run from me!"

A voice pulls me out of my trance. A mother chasing her young son. He is at least 6 years old.

Looking past the mother running after her son I see Rafael walking towards me. I look down at my watch. It's almost 1 in the afternoon.

"You walk here, Barba?" I ask him only half joking. He just gives me a weak smile in return.

"Walk with me?" He asks in a serious tone.

As we walk through the park it seems as if we are total strangers. The silence of unanswered questions hangs in the air all around us.

"What..."
"I'm..."

"You go first. Explain," I tell him.

"Alright. I just want to say first of all that I'm sorry for what I'm about to tell you. Please let me explain before you react. Okay?" He looks at me questionably. I just nod in response.

"Okay... A few years ago I was looking for a job position as an ADA here in New York. A week before I was supposed to start my new job I ran into someone at a local bar. Actually, the first time I met him was when I attempted to brake up a bar fight he got himself into." Rafael laughed slightly at the memory.

We were still walking through the park. It was nice outside. The silence between us started again, but it didn't last long. I could tell he was trying to prolong this.

"What does this have to do with us?" I ask.

He continued as if he didn't hear me. "After me and a few random guys broke the fight up, I sat down to have a drink with him. We talked about work. What we did. He had just put in his retirement papers..."

I waved my hand to signal him to stop. "No," I said. "I don't want to hear anymore." I walked faster. Trying to put space in between my fist and his face. Our friendship was a lie.

"Olivia," he called as he jogged a little to catch up to me, "Please let me explain, you don't even know half of what you think you do."

"Oh don't I?" I laughed in annoyance. "You're worse than him."

"Detective Benson."

I stopped dead in my tracks.

The smell of liquor filled my nostrils. I felt a body collide with mine from behind. Hands groping me all over, pistol pointed at my head. This couldn't be happing again. There was no way.

"You're so beautiful, Detective."

The sound of someone screaming brought me back to reality. The look on Rafael's face and the looks bystanders were giving me told me that I was the one screaming. A had a flashback.

"God, I'm pathetic," I thought to myself.

"Liv. Olivia. You are safe. It's me. Rafael."

"S... I'm sorry... I don't... I don't know w..."

"Don't apologize."

"Alright."

I hadn't realized that I had fallen to the ground untill Rafael stood up and pulled me to my feet.

Thankful for his understanding we walked in silence once more. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm not as strong as I thought I was.

"Okay," I state.

He looks at me questionably.

"I'll try to understand. Continue," I plea looking at the ground. I can't bare to look him in the eyes after I just had an episode for no apparent reason.

He caught slightly before starting again.

"We talked for awhile. About work. Then he brought you up. Of course, I had not known you at the time but his face said it all. You were everything to him. I could see it in his eyes."

I would be lying if I said I was shocked. He meant the world to me as well. At least I had the same effect on him.

"He knew I would end up working with you. At first I was reluctant to his request, but as time went on it wasn't a hard one to live up to."

The sould of ducks splashing in the water caught my attention for a few seconds. A slight smile took over my lips.

"He asked me to look out for you. Make sure that you didn't spiral out if control after he left."

For the first time sence my little episode I looked at him. Correction, I glared at him. Who did Stabler think he was anyway? Asking a complete stranger to be my guardian angel.

"It wasn't like that," he waved his hand in surrender.

"He just wanted me to make sure that you didn't kill your new partner. Or fall too deep into a rough case."

"Great job," I reply coldly staring off into space. As soon as the words rolled off my tongue I regretted them. However I was in no mood to apologize to my guardian angel.

He looked slightly hurt. Shame filled the depth of my stomach, but I refuse to apologize. Not here. Not now.

"He came back to New York yesterday. We stayed in touch over the years. That phone call yesterday. He's upset with me. I didn't protect you."

"I don't need your protection and I don't want it," I stated coldly.

"I know. But on some level I failed him. I failed you," he seemed close to tears.

"I was ready to ignore his request. Treat you like any other co-worker. But we became friends. And I should have tried harder, I should have been able to put him away for life. He never should have been able to hurt you. I'll always carry that weight on my shoulders."

We had stopped walking. I gave him a sad smile. "If only you knew how much you mean to me," I thought.

"Me too, but it's not our weight to bare," I told him. Only partly believing it myself. I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek; I turned around and began to walk back to my apartment. I felt the tears begin to run down my face.

"Anywhere but here, please God. Anywhere but here."

But the tears didn't stop, and neither did my feet.

***Please comment. I desperately need the inspiration. (I own nothing but my imagination)