living hell [MULTIFANDOM]

six (golden quartet)

Harry: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?
Ron: Plane tickets?
Hermione: Concert tickets?
Riley: Prostitution?
Harry, holding his broken frames: Glasses.

Hermione, about Riley: Apparently we're getting someone new in the group.
Harry: Are we stealing them?
Ron: New or used?
Hermione: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Riley: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!
Ron: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD
Riley: I'm leaving you, and I'M TAKING HARRY WITH ME
Hermione, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're gonna stop playing now.

*Riley is cooking*
Ron: Any chance that's for me?
Riley: It's for Hermione. I'm planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need her on my side.
Harry: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

*Riley, Harry and Ron are sitting on a bench*
Hermione: Why do you guys look so sad?
Riley: Sit down with us so we can tell you.
*Hermione sits down*
Harry: The bench is freshly painted.

Harry: I think Hermione was right.
Riley: I'm surprised she hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'
Ron: She wouldn't do that.
Hermione: You're right, Ron. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.
Hermione: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'Hermione Told You So' on the back*

Riley: Is stabbing someone immoral?
Ron: Not if they consent to it.
Harry: Depends who you're stabbing.
Hermione: YES?!?

Hermione: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in them. Suggestions?
Harry, trying to keep a straight face: Put spaghetti in it.
Hermione: I'm currently taking suggestions from literally anyone but you.
Ron, hungry: Put spaghetti in it.
Hermione: I'm currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two.
Riley, losing it: Put spaghetti in it.
Hermione: I'm no longer taking suggestions.

Hermione: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.
Ron: What if it bites me and it dies!?
George: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Ron, learn to listen.
Harry: What if it bites itself and I die?
Riley: That's voodoo.
Fred: What if it bites me and someone else dies?
Ron: That's correlation, not causation.
Harry: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?
Riley: That's kinky.
Hermione: Oh my God.

Hermione: You kidnapped Malfoy? That's illegal!
Harry: But Hermione, what's more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Malfoy, or destroying our dreams?
Hermione: Kidnapping Malfoy, Harry!!!
Ron: Hermione, listen, whatever I may think of you right now- these guys are counting on you to inspire them!
Hermione: What, to kidnap people?!?!
Ron: To work together!
Hermione: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?!
Riley: Hermione, we all agreed a ferret is a not a people.

Harry: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Hermione: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Riley: Socks are Feetie Heaties
Ron: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Hermione: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Riley: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Ron: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Percy, annoyed: You are disappointments. Also, what's a 'walkie talkie'?