living hell [MULTIFANDOM]

eighteen (karasuno + riley)

kageyama: Bonjour, riley. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?
riley: No, I don't want to sleep with you.
kageyama: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross volleybal instructor.

noya: What did you order this morning?
riley: What do you mean?
noya: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.

noya: Would you take a bullet for me?
tanaka: ...yes?
*yamaguchi angrily bursts into the room*
noya: *running away* Great, thanks!

riley: Dom or sub?
tanaka: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though.

noya: I just heard hinata call the dog a "fucking liar" because he barked like someone was at the door and no one was there.

hinata: Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!
yamaguchi: How can you still say that?
hinata: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

tsukishima: When I see initials carved into a tree with a heart I think it's so romantic. Two lovers on a date... one of them carrying a knife for some reason.

*at a zoo*
tsukishima: What are they in for?
hinata: tsukishima, this isn't prison.
tsukishima: So they can leave?
hinata: No, but-
tsukishima, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

hinata: Go ahead, noya. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.
tsukishima: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

riley: You're charged with.....breaking into a pet store?
yamaguchi: I thought the animals might be lonely.

tanaka: The Ocean is a soup.
riley:
riley: Do elaborate.
tanaka: What are needed for something to be a soup?
riley: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.
tanaka: *Tilts head*
riley: The Ocean is a Soup.
tanaka: The Ocean is a Soup.

hinata: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?
suga: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?
riley: Ya know... it might be.

daichi, teaching noya to drive: Okay, you're driving and riley and tsukishima walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
noya: Oh, definitely tsukishima. I could never hurt riley.
daichi, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

*The Squad is on the bus, and a child is crying*
tanaka: *rolls eyes to the sky*
hinata: *makes funny faces to get them to stop*
riley: *puts their earphones on at 100% volume*
yamaguchi: *doesn't mind, doesn't bother*
tsukishima: *is the reason they're crying*
kageyama: *enjoys in silence*